Lost

Figment From My Minds Eyes.

2012-01-23T00:44:00.000+03:00

He pulled me into his arms, he was tall enough for my head to be placed exactly on his chest when I hugged him, hearing every beat of his heart. "I love you," I sighed, and hugged him tighter. Then suddenly the warm feeling escaped and I was filled with panic. Did I just tell him I love him?! No. No. No. No. NO! I just told him I love him!

I've known that I felt this way for a while now, but I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to allow those words to escape my mind. The words had to remain manacled thoughts, had I just turned them into a reality? I could hear his heart beating faster. What have I done? I've thought about this so often. I didn't want to hear those words back, but I didn't not want to hear them back either. I was lost, and confused. I am lost and confused.

I'm positive he heard me, but he didn't respond. I was afraid of this. I was afraid of it all. What now, do I pretend I didn't say anything? To my relief he pulled back, and smiled. I was filled with warmth as soon as I saw those dimples of his. "Did you know," he began "that i've had those three words run through my mind endlessly every time I was around you?" No. This is not good. This is not good at all. My mind is telling me that this is not going where I want it to, but my heart? My heart is telling me to kiss him. He looked deep into my eyes, it made me feel naked. "I love you too," he continued. I couldn't take my eyes off his lips, and I moved closer to him... Seconds felt as if they were hours, I forgot the world around us existed, all I could see, hear, smell, or touch was him. I moved closer still, and as soon as he realized I was leaning in to kiss his lips, he kissed my forehead and told me that he loves me again.

Dim Soul.

2012-01-06T00:21:00.000+03:00

I sat on my bed with my laptop sitting by my side roaring out the lyrics to a love song, singing along with the tunes I had escaped reality and entered my own world. I inhaled oxygen only through my cigarette. Soon, the lightheadedness took over; I put out the cig and lay down on my bed, trying to focus on the light attached to the ceiling.

Despite the lack of liveliness in the dim light, it still existed. This dull object still exists; as dull as it may be. This lifeless object exists and lightens up my dark room, despite it's lack of heart and soul.

I remained staring into the bulb, escaping the reality I was in and just tried to grasp the idea behind this lifeless object creating light.

If this light may be created by something that lacks heart, and soul. Then what may we as humans achieve?

A Relapse of Judgement.

2012-01-02T18:49:00.002+03:00

I quivered at the thought of being in a relationship. I'm not the girl that would throw everything away and put my life aside for a man. Despite how much i'd like to have someone to care about, I still can't grasp the idea of being with someone, living for someone.

I'm not new to this dating business. I've been in a relationship before, but this guy, he's different.

He knows I like him, but he doesn't like me, i'm pretty sure.

Yes, he held my hand. Yes, he kissed me. Yes, he told me i'm different; special, even. But no, i'm sure he doesn't like me.

This was supposed to be the prologue to a love story. Instead it has turned into a long rant about a man I have feelings for.

I can't get him out of my mind, yet, it seems that I only entered his as a passing thought.

_____

This is a song i've been stuck on for a few days now, hope you guys enjoy listening to it.

Happy 2012. xo

The Diary of a Lost Girl.

2012-01-01T16:32:00.001+03:00

My confusion has exceeded mere confusion and erupted into frustration.

One day he likes me enough to kiss me in the university elevator. Another day, he doesn't know I exist.

Why do I like him? I could make a list of all the things I like, and on the contrary all the things that I don't. But in reality, I haven't seen anything from him that goes under the list of things I don't like.

We have a mutual friend, when she saw us hanging out she said that he likes me too. But, I have my doubts.

I've never felt this way about a guy and been lead on, and anticipated a honest long conversation.

Damn this, it's making me hate myself.

The Prologue of Desire.

2011-12-24T23:04:00.001+03:00

As his hand touched mine, a shiver exploded out of my heart and sent goosebumps all over my body. I can't figure him out, I don't know whether he likes me or not. I do like him though, a lot.

I'm waiting for him to make the first move and talk to me about it, we're good friends- I wouldn't want to ruin anything. But, he's so darn cute. I can't help myself from looking at his actions and imagining if he thought of me the same way?

I'm confused. Can you tell?

I've known him for a while, and we've gone out for lunch a couple of times.

He's at university with me and I see him almost daily.

I do know that he just got out of a relationship, I don't want to be his rebound girl.

Whatever... Que Sera, Sera.

In search for my lost mind.

2011-12-13T19:17:00.000+03:00

They say if you organize your time, no matter how much you have on your plate, you'll be fine.

I have a lot on my plate and very bad organizing time skills.

This is how I feel.

The Story of Palestine

2011-11-29T14:55:00.001+03:00

Tell me why?

2011-10-31T21:59:00.000+03:00

I've shared this video on Twitter and Facebook so far, but I couldn't not post it here...

Enjoy, her voice is incredibly beautiful.

Kuwaiti Geek

2011-10-29T18:11:00.000+03:00

Hey all,

This is one of my posts trying to pimp out a fellow blogger, this time it's Kuwaiti Geek (link).

It's a given from the name that he's a fellow Kuwaiti. But, why is he different from the rest of us?

Well, he's a geek and proud, for one :P

All jokes aside, I met this blogger personally and all he could talk about was saving the environment.

He's like a whiff of fresh air, honestly. It's so wonderful to see a young guy worried so much about the environment and trying so hard to make a difference. (He's literally in the process of making a solar powered monster truck, how kickass is that?)

Basically, his blog gives hints about how to live in an environmentally friendly way in Kuwait. He posts about possible events that are also about the environment.

I honestly urge you to check it out, and if you're a twitter bird then follow him on @KuwaitiGeek to get updates on when he posts!

Hypocrite.

2011-10-23T15:36:00.000+03:00

I AM NOT MOVING - Short Film - Occupy Wall Street

The reason I don't have the Video uploaded is because it's unlisted, which means you can only watch it if you have the direct link, you can't search for it.

Watch it, look at the hypocrisy that unfolds.

משפחה.

2011-10-18T23:38:00.002+03:00

I can't focus on school work. I can't get my mom out of my mind.

I've been working so hard at university just so I can finally leave Kuwait for my Masters and Ph.D.

But, with moms condition, will I leave? Can I leave? MAY I LEAVE, PLEASE?!

I'm torn between being selfish, and staying for my family...

Two siblings studying abroad, and the third is leaving soon, too.

Who will take care of mom?

Why do I have to?

Don't get me wrong, I'd die for that woman.

I love her to pieces, I'd do anything for her.

But why is it always me that's making sacrifices?

I'm leaning more towards staying in Kuwait.

I want to leave, i'm dying to leave.

I don't agree with the culture.

I feel suffocated.

I feel chained down...

I'm torn between the right thing to do, and the selfish thing to do.

For mom, i'd do what's right.

You're stuck with my rants about being stuck in a place I don't agree with for a few more years...

I feel like my heart is being clenched, and squeezed tight.

I feel like my dreams are withering away.

I hate this...

Sighs all around.

2011-10-17T14:50:00.000+03:00

I wish I could write down what I have in mind. But, I can't do that because the person it's about will most definitely read this.

All I can say is; this is getting too real.

Nobody believes me when I say i'm bad for peoples health.

I can't do this.

Quarrels, be gone.

2011-10-06T00:38:00.000+03:00

I don't want to type a personal post ranting about my sisters actions.

I don't want to rant about her actions to begin with.

I really don't, but I find myself doing it anyway...

She has been here for a week, and we're not even talking properly.

If we do talk she's rude, and it's only if she has to speak to me.

I don't understand her. I'm sure she's PMS-ing or something, because this isn't the sister I knew.. This isn't the sister I missed.

Or maybe it is, and I was just too caught up in missing her.

I've been here, lonely, for months.

Literally a week before she comes I happen to meet someone, and I'm finally happy.

Literally one week. She's been gone for 7 months, in which I had been a wreck.

But even now, she's just as selfish as she's ever been.

I should cater to her every need. Even if she's on the phone speaking loudly when I'm in bed trying to sleep, that's my que to leave my bed, and go sleep in the bath tub, maybe. I should pretend not to have a headache and just take in her obnoxious voice on the phone because she's only here for 2 weeks?

Keep in mind, in both instances, I merely hinted that she was bothering me, and then her dramatic exits took place.

Well, she picked up and left the family. But, this is still where I live. This is still my room. I still have university. I still have friends.

I wish she acknowledged that, and stops being rude.

I wish she comes and talks to me when something I do bothers her, instead of holding grudges against me, and not even looking in my direction.

I'm trying to be nice, and I deliberately stayed out today just so I don't fight with her.

I'll avoid her until she leaves me again, that's my only option.

This time I blame you..

2011-09-25T22:23:00.000+03:00

I miss living abroad... I miss the feeling when I didn't fit in. When I felt individual. When I felt special.

I miss the desire to explain things about my country to random strangers when they ask me where i'm from.

Or, the true feeling of independence that I got there, and never will here.

I miss being a bum and not having anything to do all the time.

I miss cooking, and cleaning.

I miss the feeling that I had every time I went down for a midnight walk.

I miss the chilly weather, and the sky full of clouds.

I miss the random smiling strangers that wave hello.

I miss living abroad...

Hope I get to go back soon.

I want to be accepted, as myself.

Basically; I miss not having to change myself for the society I live in..

Add Insult to injury.

2011-09-24T21:40:00.002+03:00

|emˈbrās|

2011-09-22T22:50:00.000+03:00

I sit here embracing the depth of the reality I foresee. Will it happen?

Won't it happen?

Thinking of the myths I had been told and the fictional characters that I believed to be true..

Is it good, or bad?

May I even refer to it as an "it"?

Implying it exists?

I look up at my grey paint splattered walls with a mind full of ideas, and thoughts..

This is as if I was asking, does the riddler truly make his own riddles?

I know i'm talking in code, and most of you won't understand what i'm referring to.

Keep this in mind; the writer always keeps a gap for the readers imagination.

So, tell me, what am I referring to?

An Award for being Lovely?

2011-09-11T18:22:00.000+03:00

Man, I haven't done one of these in ages. First of all, thank you Deema. <3

Alright, so I suppose I'm supposed to share 7 facts about myself?

1. To me, the most annoying thing is ignorance, and lack of logic. Aggravating!

2. I'm a coffee addict, and I don't say that lightly like a lot of people, i'm actually literally addicted. Very bad headaches if I don't have it regularly.

3. I can't sleep without socks on.

4. I absolutely detest receiving gifts. As much as I love giving them.

5. My family are the most important thing in my life, more important to me than my education....imagine?

6. I never dress up for ANYTHING. You'll always find me in Pyjamas or sweats.

7. University is causing me to commit social suicide.. I know that's pretty normal, but for me it's literally. I live off Twitter, which is sad, if you ask me.

I don't understand how a person is qualified or characterized in order to receive this award. I think my blog is as far from lovely as it gets, but whoever would like to share 7 random things about themselves, go right ahead. It's all yours...

Fuck you, Obama.

2011-09-04T21:54:00.000+03:00

One word: Love.

Dear Valentine,

2011-09-01T02:45:00.000+03:00

Almost 3 am, and all I can do is busy myself with cleaning my room.

I open my jewelry drawer and find that it is as if there had been a mini-hurricane that took place inside it. Gold tangled with silver. Necklaces tangled with bracelets. So, I decided to unravel it all.

That's when I stumbled upon the small navy ring jewelry box in the corner of the drawer.

My heart skipped a beat; I had almost forgotten all about it.

I opened the box, and to my great astonishment. The ring was gone.

What?!

A million ideas flooded my mind of where I may have misplaced it. I took out a small transparent glass ring holder and poured all my rings onto my bed and dug in between them. Where is it!

Then finally, I found it.

On the 14th of February, 2010 we had met up for a breakfast date. I parked my car, and he parked next to me. I sat in my car waiting for him to leave his, and as soon as I got out of my car, he got down on one knee.

Today it's the 1st of September 2011, and he's refusing to take back the ring that just goes back to breaking my heart every time I lay my eyes on it.

I look down at the ring hugging my finger. Why did I even put it on?

Sigh.

What do I do with this ring? I want to be rid of it. He won't take it, and it holds too much sentimental value for me to do something rash; like selling it.

Infuriated by the hard truth.

2011-08-31T02:54:00.000+03:00

The post you're about to read is dedicated to a new blogger, i've just been acquainted with her blog and I only read one of her posts, yet it has led me to write this one.

Deema, here's to you.

_____________

I clench the necklace in my hand. Thinking, wondering. My heart aches, what logic does this hold? How logical is it that it yearns for someone who does not yearn for it?

I miss him, yet, he does not miss me.

I want him, yet, he does not want me.

I've come to accept it; to accept this.

Yet, the ever growing fire of yearning in my heart won't come to fade with time, but to the contrary.

I'm reminded of him by the simplest things that I would do daily. For fucks sake; my tooth brush reminds me of him.

Sometimes, I ask "why". Yet other times, I know why.

I've come to the conclusion that only I can answer my own questions, but only when dealt the card of time. Time will help me heal.

Now, I'm done yearning for him, for his scent, his kiss, his touch, and his smile. Now, I yearn to forget him.

Heart, please stop it. Please, stop loving him.

I am who I am.

2011-08-29T02:11:00.000+03:00

From previous comments I feel the need to write another post about my spiritual ideas. Please let me clarify, that I am not seeking help, please don't try to fix me. I'm happy with who I am. Yes, I'm confused at times. But, who isn't? Just because my religious beliefs may not add up to yours that doesn't mean I'm a bad person. You may have told me you don't think I'm a bad person, but you implied otherwise.

I love you guys so much for trying to help me. Just please understand, what I type up in these posts are merely ideas that i'd like to discuss. I do not seek solutions because my lack of faith isn't a problem that needs to be remedied. I know how bad that sounds. I also know how religious I was before.

People change. Don't read my old posts and judge who I am today. The religious blogger you knew before changed, yet, the irony of it is unbelievable. The religious blogger you knew was materialistic (refer to this post) look how many things were on my shopping list, and I was still not satisfied. She was also uncaring about others, she bought from Zionist stores uncaring about what this money would do to people or what it was used for. She responded to the Bahraini revolution when it began with "why don't they just leave the country if they don't like it?" can you see the difference between that ignorant materialistic blogger. And this one before you today? I lived a life of delusions. I loathe the person I was.

Now, I know, I could be myself today, and still believe in religion, and God. But, if I don't have the faith in my heart, then nobody's words are going to change that. Please don't get me wrong, I'm so happy to have such caring readers. However, please don't try to fix me. I'm simply speaking my mind..

What i'm trying to say is, with or without religion. I'm a good person. I'm happy with who and what I am. So, you guys should try and accept me and the thoughts I share with you, and not try to fix me- i'm not broken.

Please don't take this post the wrong way, as I said before, I appreciate you caring so much.. You guys should just know, i'm okay. (:

The Simplicity of Unanswered Questions.

2011-08-26T01:18:00.000+03:00

and the scent of confusion escapes from my pores into the world.

*sigh*

I know how often people ask for answers, and I know that I have asked for them often. Of course, they're still nonexistent. So, this leads me to think "what's the point?"

...i'm tired.

Friday, August 19th, 2011.

2011-08-22T15:54:00.000+03:00

So, this is the end of the road.

Death.

He's gone; My uncle.

Passed away on Friday.

I read Quran to try and dampen the fire in his wife, and daughter's hearts. Despite my beliefs, I knew his. So, he would want me to read Quran.

When I used to read Quran, I used to feel instantly better. But now, my faith has been abolished.

This is not something I'm proud of, this is just who I am now, I can't help it.

I prayed, unanswered. Just as I had prayed for my mom to get better.

I prayed there is an after life, and that indeed my uncle is blessed for dying on a Friday, in layaali alqadr...

The problem is that my unanswered prayers are the reason I am who I am now.

In order to understand why I believe in the things I believe in, you should understand my past.

To make it clear and simple, since I was a child, as far down as I can remember, all I did was pray for my sick mother; please Allah make her better. And to add to that, she is the most religious person I know. To elaborate i'll tell u that she's been 7aj and 3umra each 7 times, she went masjid every friday. And spent most of her time reading religious books or the Quran. And, you see, now, my mom is no longer my mom. Her brain has changed. She doesn't remember things, she is illogical, and she can't even pray. I've been told this is because God tests the people he loves. I'm sorry, but I find that something that is hard to accept. I just can't. Hathee ommi, oo hathy 7alat'ha now. My words won't change her, and neither can my actions.

To get back to my uncle, I prayed for him when I visited him in the hospital, just to ease his wife's pain, but still, look, he's gone. His burial was Saturday. I watched him being put under ground, and watched them cover him up. Now what about his 4 daughters? What about his wife? They've been orphaned, because my uncle was fasting and didn't take his pills correctly. Really? I understand that that's his fault, and not religions'. I also understand my words and actions wont bring him back, just as they can't help my mother.

I'm tired of thinking.

I'm so fucked up mentally, I know.

Sigh.

Realistic reality crashing my being.

2011-08-14T18:06:00.000+03:00

So... All of you pray to god when you want a divine power to help someone in need that may be close to you.

But, I think God is a Myth.

So... all I can do is hope that my uncle receives whatever he wants- be it life or death.

If you ask me, hoping is more realistic.

Masked with the willingness of a Monkey.

2011-08-10T18:36:00.000+03:00

"I promise.."

yet, that promise was broken.

The biggest promise we should make, should be to ourselves. To remain humane, caring, and giving.
Yet I find myself with people that couldn't care less. Daily, i'm acquainted with these personalities.

Why is it that we have come to care more for ourselves than for strangers?

Why would you die for a loved one and not for a stranger?

Why do we have these labels that we give to people?

Why is humanity so divided? Social classes, religions, races, nationalities, etc?

Why is it when you look at another human being, you look past the fact that it's a person, and focus on things such as race or nationality?

As a human being, are you better than anybody else?

No.

Even if you have a better education, and even if this other person is a rapist. YOU. ARE. NOT. BETTER. THAN. ANY. OTHER. HUMAN. BEING. THAT. WALKS. THIS. EARTH.

When speaking about this issue, people answer my last question based on morals, life choices, ethics, actions, education, income, whatever.

They don't understand the simplicity of the question.

As a human being... the truth is, no matter what this person has done, what they look like, or how smart they are.

you are equal, accept it.

The depth of insight

2011-08-04T18:09:00.003+03:00

The depth of the ideas that clustered onto each other; pinching and pricking one another. The contradictions that ideas face. Ideas are deep in meaning, yet perfect in their simplicity. A mere thought develops into an idea. "Think for yourself," and "Think outside the box" are common sentences that are intwined with the thought process in which ideas should develop from. I thought in such a great depth about these ideas, just the idea of an idea. The deep concept behind that. I look around, in this brutal world and all I see are annoyances. Annoyances that may be fixed with ideas. So why, you may ask, do people not fix the world with their ideas? The answer to that question is within every individual. That, my dear reader is something you should contemplate. Is Newton smarter than you? He merely saw an apple and the moon. From observing the fall of the apple he had an idea, he tested it, and voila, gravity. Do apples and a moon not exist in your world? So, why have we made it a nuisance to think?

This post is dedicated to Lord Aymz, since he's the only reason I sat down to write it.

Till my last drop of blood

2011-08-04T02:12:00.001+03:00

She sat thinking- contemplating. How is she to find the truth? Is she the only person seeking it, or are there others in the same place as she is? She lit her cigarette, and inhaled. The intensity that was in her being had disappeared into the vapor of the past. Her past thoughts were merely past thoughts. What now? She lay back on her bed, staring at the ceiling, still contemplating. What is it she’s so deeply thinking about? What were the ideas behind the train of thought moving around in her brain. The complexity of the nature of our being was her big issue. So many things in life, so many things to choose from, so many things to go against, and yet, they’re still so little. She sucked on the small suicidal stick she grasped between her fingers, inhaling more. The intensity of the state of mind she was in was beyond her. Ideas were beyond any person. The only thing ideas didn’t go beyond is actions. Actions, actions, actions. How hard is it to do what you think is right without putting a mere second thought of the people all around you. The domino effect of this specific action that she would like to do. Staring at her paint splattered walls, she tried to find meaning behind all the injustices shes seen. The most important words in her vocabulary at that moment were; why, what, when, and where? Her train of thought finally came to a halt as soon as another human being was in hearing range. Then, at that moment, she packed up that train in a shiny box that society would approve of, and stored it away, just as she stuffed her pack of cigarettes under her pillow. Now she was the perfect splitting image of any other girl. Now, she was acceptable.

Achilles heel

2011-06-13T15:46:00.001+03:00

Everybody has 1 weak point that no matter what, will always be able to come and stand in their way, and the most thing that sucks about that is that when that one thing is in their way, they don't realize it, until it's too late. My biggest weakness is that i'm too influenced by my peers, especially by close friends. It's terrible the amount that I let people influence my thoughts, and actions. I've had different sorts of friends over the years, and even if every bone in my body is against something at one point, when I gain a friend that may be for it, my mind is changed.

My thoughts and logic would be so flawed and I would find myself doing or saying things I never thought I would. I think the influence from peers is inevitable, it happens to everybody and not just me, however, I always find myself taking it to another level. To an extent that I truly would change my belief system or ideology.

I came to recognize this huge flaw that continues to set me back, and now once I nipped this ridiculous part of me in the bud, I truly can say that I am my own person. The effects of being too influenced by friends has set me back at uni, made me dress differently, use different vernacular, even view myself differently. Last semester was a great semester for me, and I'm finally on the right path. By the end of the summer I will officially be a senior. Yeppi! Finally going to graduate.

I wanted to ask all of you out there, what do you think is the biggest part of your personality that may set you back, and why?

From Q8 With Love

2011-05-03T16:34:00.001+03:00

“I don’t have anything to wear,” whines your average teenage girl to her mother, hinting that she would like a hundred Kuwaiti Dinars and a ride to The Avenues. If her words would be interpreted literally—exactly as they are—one would go to this girl’s closet and find it to be empty. But that is not the case, and when the mother marches up to her daughter’s room to investigate the validity of this brat’s complaints, she opens the doors to her daughter’s closet—and clothes fall out. Her closet is overflowing with fancy garments, jeans of all different shades of blue, comfortable shirts, jackets made of animals’ skin and fur, beautiful dresses, feminine skirts, warm pajamas, and footwear galore. Some of her clothes even still have price-tags on them. She owns clothes that make her feel both comfortable and beautiful. Others do not have this privilege.

It seems that somewhere amongst our mess of a panic about losing the icebergs we caused to melt and the extinction of the animals we continuously slaughter, we forgot to worry about the extinction of the most important human need—compassion. Lack of compassion is the leading cause of death in the world. Because of mankind’s lack of compassion in 2011, children walk with bare, bloody feet, sometimes wearing only a pair of shorts. In the winter, they die of pneumonia. In the summer, they die of dehydration, malnutrition, or an infection as a result of unsanitary water. Of course, they can’t write their own names, or recognize them if they were written in front of them. The possibility stands that they may have heard of computers, but have never seen them. Their idea of games never involves technology, instead usually involving their imagination or two pairs of wooden twigs for sword-fights.

A small charity group has taken a great step forward and decided to be compassionate towards children in Ghazza. This group is called “From Q8 With Love”, and what they do is donate different kinds of materials to Ghazza’s Community Center, who then passes on the donations to classrooms. Three Kuwaiti teenage girls came up with this incredibly humane idea: Fatemah Khalfan, Sara Al Mutawa, and Shayma Shamo. They collect English and Arabic books, school materials, educational toys and games, used computers, cameras, headphones, running shoes, paint sets, office supplies, and any other materials that citizens feel could be put to better use than being thrown away—leaving the door of options wide open.

This charity organization started at the beginning of April of 2011, when an American political activist figure in Ghazza began posting videos and gruesome stories of the situation in Ghazza on his online blog. The purpose of his call to others was not to induce hate, but to donate, to empathize, to reach out to these people merely because they are human beings whose lives are being unjustifiably turned into an existence of fear and misery. Fatimah, a reader of his blog, was greatly impacted when he posted one story about the Sammouni family—97 people killed, tricked by Israeli forces into thinking they were staying at a shelter, telling them “you’ll be safe here”, and waiting until they were asleep to bulldoze the building so it would tumble down atop of them. This story is one of many endless tales of Palestinian martyrs, but it had been this mass act of murder that motivated “From Q8 With Love” to take action.

Starting out small, Fatimah set up a Facebook event, announcing that this group would be collecting donations and contributions of any kind. An interesting observation noted by the organizers was how “lazy” the so-called donators were. Donations were being accepted for a full month, and the group even offered the option of collecting the materials from the person’s own home to make the process an easy one; a month passed, and some of the people somehow couldn’t find the time to simply box up these materials. So far, the group members have relied heavily on close friends and family members for donations, which really speaks out on just how much we care as human beings, and not as Kuwaitis, or even residents of Kuwait.

Elaborating on this particular point, Sara had mentioned that the American University of Kuwait and the Gulf University of Science & Technology had denied them permission to rent booths at previous expositions due to political reasons. When asked about her standpoint on Kuwait aiding Ghazza, Fatimah Khalfan said, “You have to put everything aside. You can’t think of religion, or nationality, or politics, even though your very existence revolves around politics. You have to just stay human, and remember that these people are human, too.”

Thank you Abrar Al-Shammari for this post.

Posted via Barmait.

I too must add that I am genuinely proud of these young girls for standing up and trying to lend a helping hand.

Fellow Bloggers, I hope that you Forward this post so the word can spread (:

-Lost

P.S. The girls will be available and selling some products with the hopes of making more money to send to Gaza, they'll have a booth this Friday at Sha'ab Park in the AABA carnival. For any questions please call 65131633.

Letter to President Obama

2011-04-11T19:34:00.004+03:00

Read this:

http://angryarabiya.blogspot.com/2011/04/letter-to-president-obama.html

I strongly hope from the bottom of my heart that this letter does make a difference.

I'm very doubtful, but I truly hope that I'm wrong.

Sigh..

Allah ykoon eb 3oonhom enshallah..

For all the people out there who simply choose to turn the other cheek. I'll only say one thing to you; is it completely IMPOSSIBLE that YOUR government in YOUR country may turn and become just as oppressive? Imagine if you were in Zainab Alkhawaja's shoes. Then you would care, right?

Leave your bubbles people! We can help the Bahraini people, but what are we doing to help?

NOTHING.

Smiles All Around?

2011-02-28T22:13:00.000+03:00

Dandoon asked me a question that's been lurking around my mind for a while. She asked "Are you happy?"

She made me think, like, truly THINK.

Life hasn't been easy lately.

In fact, it's been quiet hectic. But, this post is to say: Al 7amd lellah (thank god) for what I do have, for my life.

I realize that I bitch a lot. And this is my venting place, so theres a lot of bitching done here. I have so many posts where I vent, yet I don't even have one for thanks.

Thats how we humans are, if there is just ONE flaw in our life, we choose to focus on it and forget all the good that we experience daily.

I really hope this post doesn't sound like a self-help what you put into the universe you will receive post. I always feel like happy people have perfect lives. Lately I've realized it's quiet the contrary. Nobody is fully happy. Nobody has everything they want, or ever wanted. By that scale then nobody is truly and fully happy.

I'm one person that is happy. Not because my life is perfect. Not because I basically shit money and have everything i've ever wanted. Not because of all the materialistic reasons or the ridiculous ideology that basically means you have to be with someone to be happy.

I'm single. I'm doing great in uni. I have a great family. I have great friends.

Yes, I'd like a nicer car. Yes, I'd like that designer bag. And an iPhone, and, and, and, and, and, and! The list goes on. Because you know what? When I finally get that nice car I've always wanted, I'll find something new to want.

So....

When is a person truly happy?

If life isn't looked at in the broad terms we are taught to look at it. A lot of you will come to the realization that you. are. happy.

So, I ask you this....

Are you happy?

What if?

2011-02-25T23:21:00.000+03:00

Done By Israel.

2011-02-19T16:13:00.004+03:00

This post is for a dear friend of mine; D.B.

As I have mentioned before I have been boycotting Israeli Zionist products for a while now.

They say a picture speaks a thousand words.

So here are some that will explain exactly why boycotting these products is something that should be done.

These images are pretty gruesome so if you have a weak heart then I suggest you see them anyway, because our eyes need to be opened.

If you as much as flinched when you saw these pictures, then you know what your next step is.

I Know My Kingdom Awaits

2011-02-15T22:42:00.000+03:00

To be honest I had no intention of ever opening my blog again. The reason it is open is because my sister left today. I thought she could read about us here if we were unavailable.

She travelled to Australia to study.

Ugh, it's been such a bad day; I spent most of it thinking about her leaving and then the rest of the time in the airport.

I know I know, she has to go to build her future, and this is all for the best, and blah blah blah. All of that doesn't erase the fact that she is not here anymore... My baby sis left.. and wont be back for another 6 years. Yes, she'll come for holidays and whatnot, but it won't be the same as her being settled here. God. Six freakin' years. I'll be 27. I'll probably have kids by then!

My other sis is leaving too, in July.

The only think keeping me from falling apart is the fact that F is still here.

God. 6 years. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't get her out of my mind.

She's the emotional sister. The girly one that hates when she's told she's SO like me, even though she really is. She's the one that always got me. She even looks & sounds like me. Agh. We're incomplete without her.

On the ride back home from the airport silence took over, and we all just sat there idly thinking.

M's gone.

Allah ywafgech lil sis.

I love you. We love you.

Make us proud.

-H

Pik-A-Boo !!

2011-02-13T11:30:00.003+03:00

I've come out of hiding.

Don't Read.

2010-09-20T10:14:00.000+03:00

Hey All!!

I've missed actually typing up random posts about nothing.

I literally have NOTHING to say :P LOL. I'm just so bored.

Can't sleep because I gotta change moms position in bed in 2 hrs.

Can't watch Persons Unknown even though it's fully downloaded because I want to have more things to watch on the plane. BEEECAUUSEEEE I'm planning to spend most of the time on the plane NOT sleeping. Wanna know why? No? Well... Okay I'll tell you anyway: I have to be in the plane for like 6 madry 7 hrs n then land in London (AND BUY TONS OF CHOCO) and then from london head to Kuwait. When I arrive in Kuwait, it will be 725pm. and I plan on being SO EXHAUSTED that by the time I go through baggage claim and blah blah it should be 830. Then I'll be home by 845-9. THENNN I will be SO excited I will stay chatting with the maids and telling them about everything for 2 hrs and then sleep when i'm literally EXHAUSTED soooooo I can get over my jetlag because I gotta be at uni the next morning to run around tryna enroll in my classes! (Not looking forward to that).

Ahhhh, I miss driving.

I e-mailed my dad to ask him if my car is still alive (it hasn't been on for like a month) and he didn't reply. It better not have died :(

Obsession: Ranch Flavored Sunflower seeds. Seriously THEY'RE SO GOOD!

Confession: I think I need to find an AA group for my addiction to 7ab! It's bad. Before I came here I went and bought 8kd worth of Smoked Hamdani 7ab for the stay here. That finished in the first week? And then I discovered Flavored sunflower seeds!!!! Yum.

I think I have turned into a shopaholic? Suddenly I need everything *insert eye roll* Seriously. not good. I made a list of everything I bought in the almost 2 months I've been here. Should I share? I'm gonna share:

(2) Hoodies
(12) Dresses
(3) sandals
(3) ballet flats
(1) black studded boots (Getting the 2nd tmrw)
(3) Vests
(4) Jumpsuit PJ's
(5) Sweat Pants
(2) Blazers
(1) Leather Jacket (Must have tried on 8745854458795478457544509 of them)
(2) Scarfs
(7) T-shirts
(3) Button down shirts
(1) Converse (trying it out :P)
(2) books
(4) Calendars (don't ask)
(2) perfumes
(7) body sprays
(7) body lotions
(4) handbags
(1) Black mini jacket thing, dunno wat to call it.

Thats not counting the CRAP LOADS of makeup & jewlerry.

My new laptop

My new ipod

Stuff for friends

and random stuff I probably forgot :P

Things I still want but don't have time to get:

BB Torch
Long black boots
wellingtons
combat boots
1TB hard disc
Laptop cover
Weird colored Wafers
Gold ray bans

...but, i'll live *insert another eye roll*

Lil brothers leave to Kuwait tomorrow bruu7hom. Yikes. Misakeen they stop in Amsterdam for like 5 hrs i think.

Okay. I dunno what else to type here :P

Oh, and I named this post "Don't Read." because I wanted to see if people bi3andoon w ygroon about REALLLLLY unimportant things and waste like 3 mins of their lives reading this post :P (no offense bs tra ma 3indi salfa LOL!)

Terrorist? Let your humanity decide, not your prejudice.

2010-09-13T05:16:00.008+03:00

Lyrics

Lyrics

Lyrics

Lyrics

Lyrics

May It Be The Most Memorable Of Days.

2010-09-09T09:15:00.004+03:00

I was trying to find a nice poem to post here to say 3EEDKOM MBARAK<3

I randomly stumbled on this site.

Some of the SMS's aren't in english nor arabic but if you wanna send a nice greeting out, and don't have one, you'll find it there.

w hathy 3eediyatkom min 5alatkom Lost ;P Don't say I never gave you anything! haha

_______________________________________

Wishing you smiles and all things nice. May this Eid bring all the comforts you have ever wanted, and all the joy and laughter you have ever wished.

i love you all, w 3eedkom embarak ;*

Issues We Fail To Address.

2010-09-06T15:45:00.007+03:00

I've been meaning to post about multiple issues. And thoughts about them have been lurking around in my brain for a few days now, but everytime I wrote a draft I never felt it was strong enough. Until both the posts I had in mind ended up entwining in a conversation with one of my closest closest friends, let's call her Bia.

___________________________________

Bia says:
u watch zwarat khamees?
after today's episode
i dont wanna love. EVER

Me says:
no im all against arbic shows ;p
is it the one when the dude y6alleg mooza?
cuz y7eb i5it'ha
w i5it'ha t'haajer 8-)
cuz that was popular amongst fellow twitteees

Bia says:
ee the one AFTER it
i was watching it at a friends house
kan 3endena a mini f6oor gathering
o i was cryiiing
lama i went back to the other living room
everyone was like :-O n i was like la la dont worry zwarat khamees
n they all laughed:P

Me says:
LOL!!
i think our shows should be less selfish
more to educate our youth and try to make it better
less about pointing out drama
and the flaws of our society

Bia says:
yeaaaah
Lana shofay
kiiiiiiiiiil shay sar ib the show
happens in real life

just not to one family :P

Me says:
especially that they're getting all of these ratings
yeah i knww
bs why dnt they advocate good things
like show a dude who studies hard n gets a scholarship w 7ayata kilha derasa
or a good man with good intentions who's trying to make a life for him and his family
or ANYTHING other than this melo drama
the only reason they make these episodes is because they want ratings
ratings = money

Bia says:
akeeed

Me says:
money = FUCKING SELFISH ASSHOLES THAT WANT THE BEST FOR THEMSELVES & NOT WHATS BEST FOR THEIR SOCIETY
laaa
w kil hal naas probably frown upon how their society is turning out
how their youth cares about nothing but sex lately
bas they sell all these things!
i watched the first ep. of zwarat 5amees
cuz kint aby akteb post about it

Bia says:
sa77 thats very true

Me says:
w ma a7eb atfalsaf 3ala roos el awadem without knowing what i'm talking about
so i watched it
FIRST EPISODE
someone gets shot
woman finds her husband cheating

car accident

Bia says:

el moshkila everyone's complaining o ma7ad g3d esawi shay

o in the end

Bia says:
il kel yabi masala7taa no one things of the greater good
maskhara wala

Me says:
man forgets anni and gets thrown out
etc etc
SHD3WA 3ALAIKOM
aby bs shay kan positive bl 7alaqa ma legait
yeah exactly
everybody complains
and continues watching the shows
and giving them ratings
INZAIN MO 3AJBKOM Y R U WATCHING?!
goomaw shoofaw sh9ayer bl dnya
shoofaw sh9ayer ib pakistan
w palestine
allah y3eenhom wallah
wintaw too busy watching shows u dont even like
wallah deeratna 9ayra 5aysa
u knw
i quit buying frm all zionist supporting stores
w if every muslim that cares about their fellow brothers and sisters in palestine does the same, then you will see that these companies will stop supporting zionism. stop funding the israeli army and stop killing innocent people ON THEIR OWN LAND
yarait bas yesmi3oon elnaas wallah
i cant think of any way to reach out to them
something needs to be done, we need to help!
sry blabbed on wayed lol

Bia says:
NO u didnttttt

Me says:
bs wallah 9ij, B! y3ny ana like 2 weeks ago
my sis decided to quit buying frm these stores n stuff
n i was like wallah fathya
inty broo7ich u wont make a diff
sheno y3ny inty ma eshtraity Mcds
starbucks
Victorias Secret
ma fregat
i personally dont think i can do it
these companies are everywhere
mosta7eel agdar
b3dain i went home n read up on it
w estaw3abt how brain washed i was
so what mako ghair starbucks?
instead of starbucks fi caribou
instead of victorias secret fi aerie
instead of McDs fi burger king
and so on
laish ana a36y floos 7g naas ga3deen ythab7oon e5waany w 5awaty?

Bia says:
trueeee true

Me says:
eb tht same money
*sigh*
wish i could make a difference

Bia says:
Me too
bas its sooooooooooooooo hard
its hundredssssss of years of influence
sa3ab 7eil... u know to change things

Me says:
yeah i know. bs if humans are as good on the inside as they argue they are, then they would see the truth and would side with it

Bia says:
its not just that
its being strong too
its wayed wayed ashya2
ppls values n morals n ethics dont line up
so its always gona be hard to unite for a cause
hatheil eli they're in control are able to be this powerful
lana ma 3enduhum moral compass
wela values
wela ethics
wela deen yemna3hum men enhum y2thoun innocent ppl

Me says:
yeah

Bia says:
ya3ni dude
etha e7na our ppl
el muslimeen
sayreen maykhafoun rabhum
how do u expect the whole world to fix itself
ya3ni il give u a great example
(cuz im all about love)
bil kwt.. or duwal el khaleeej as a whole
90% of the shabab say they're religious.. oo they involve el deen ib kelshay o alll of that
bas they play around they screw around.. they cheat they lie they decieve they hurttt ppl.. laysh.. lanhum maykhafoun rabhom bil grls.. y3ni eli ykhaf raba would be scared to lie to someone because its wrong.. would be scared to cheat cuz they knw it'll hurt the other person o allah be7asibhum..
ya3ni if u look at the SMALLEST n easiet things
honesty.. loyalty.. being caring.. being fair
THEY dont exist in ppls minds..
shloon you expect the bigger things to be there
wala maskharaaa no one can be trusted hal ayam...

Me says:
yeah, i know, exactly. I agree. I've seriously stopped believing that people are good. People are selfish, ignorant, arrogant, and most importantly BRAINWASHED!
why do men do these things?
because they're brain washed!
why are we acting like this? why do we do the things we do?
7atta ana 7atta intay 7atta anybody we'll ever meet
brain washed
by this ridiculous excuse for media.
simplest example: can you tell me what beauty is?

Bia says:
in the eye of the beholder:P

Me says:
and not mention it how it is portrayed by the media?
lol. noo i mean y3ny somebody we can ALL agree on is gorgeous
take models for example
why can't i and my chubbiness be a model?
because this is what beauty is portrayed as
we can't even make up our own minds about what looks good!
did u read 1984 yet?
it's exactly the same!

Bia says:
nooooooo :(

Me says:
THEYRE CONTROLLING WHAT WE THINK
why are most americans so ignorant? why is there such a thing as islamophobia? why are we as a religion portrayed this negatively? why are CHURCHES getting involved with burning our holy book?
because that's what they're allowed to think. that's what the media mould them to think. that we're bad.
how many yrs has it been since 9/11?
w WERE being blamed for something we didnt do?
control. control. control.
we're all brain washed. that's why we don't see what they don't want us to see. unless we think for ourselves

Bia says:
yeppp

Me says:
why as a muslim would I advocate and SUPPORT the murders of my fellow brothers and sisters in islam?
because wallah i saw in a fashion magazine this gorgeous zionist model wearing a gorgeous armani (who are zionist, btw) bag that i just HAD to have cuz my old armani is 7adda last season.

Bia says:
madre.. its hard to get out of the system n break free.. we're too deep in it u know?

Me says:
if everybody thinks that nobody will stop. with free will and a good iraada not much is impossible
people don't want to break free because they like the comfort of where they are and don't want to change
but there is more out there

Bia says:
yepp
change is scaryy

Me says:
but being scared isn't an excuse for paying to have ur fellow muslims killed
:( LOL round n round in circles we go!

Bia says:
I know:P

_________________________________

Now, I'm not gonna say anymore, but tell me, after reading this, where do YOU stand? what is YOUR point of view? I'm really interested to what everybody has to say about this issue.. So, comment plz whether or not you agree with me, and let's debate!

another thing, why would my post titled "Mall o' A" get 75 page views, and my posts titled "Pakistan's calling" and "it's come down to burning holy books" get 16 & 11? Doesn't that say something?

Pakistan's Calling!

2010-09-03T01:28:00.009+03:00

We always see people in need and in some cases it is not in our hands to help them, be it because we don't have the courage, resources, or the man power, in this case.

So some of you may know there have been recent floods in Pakistan, and many of us want to help but we simply don't know how.

The people of Pakistan are starving, in Ramadan no less. As there homes drowned underneath the water, the owners of the homes are now being chocked by the little or no aid from the international community. In the midst of retrieving its people from the floods, 30% of Pakistan’s annual budget revenues goes to foreign creditors of which the debt ensued by former dictatorships.

30% in a time were they need the money for rescue efforts, to ensure there people have shelter, have food, and the right medical assistance.

Now, when Haiti was hit by an earthquake, Avaaz.org convinced creditor governments to drop Haiti’s debt. They are trying to do the same for Pakistan.

Petition! Here is a link in which you simply write your name and email and da ra. You’ve contributed to something that can save millions of lives.

http://www.avaaz.org/en/pakistan_cancel_the_debt/?cl=727364671&v=7066/

That is the simplest form of helping, it's the least we can do.

Also, if donating a sum of money to send to them is possible for you, even if it's just 1KD, it'd still make a difference.

Donate here: https://secure.avaaz.org/en/pakistan_relief_fund/?cl=709477330&v=6970

On another note, I want to point out this irony that I see lurking around natural disasters.

When the disasters happened in Haiti, the international news covered it to the fullest extent, even people who know NOTHING about the news still KNEW what was going on. However, now that there are floods in Pakistan, the ground zero mosque has taken the spot light away from thousands of deaths in Pakistan. And less people know about it. What does that say about our media?

______

Thanks Dracula for the links!

Mall o' A.

2010-09-01T14:54:00.007+03:00

Can you sayyyyyyyyyy ROADTRIP?

Okay. To anybody else who isn't from a country as big as my thumb, this would just be considered a car ride. However, to me: ROAAADTRIIIPPPP!!!

Why you ask is it a ROADTRIP? Because I've never travelled for an hr & a half by car before. Yeah I know. Life sucks for me, boohoo. chub. (mo intaw, thats is to my imaginary friend, Josie.)

Anyway! ~~When I tell you what happened, you will agree that~~ it was indeed a ROAD TRIP! ~~(it was just a visit to the mall)~~ shut up, Josie.

____________________________

Location: Mall of America

Duration: 1 hr 30 mins

Things to keep me occupied: iPod & Book (both of which remained untouched) lol.

____________________________

So we're cruuiiiisin on the roooaddddd listening to ACDC FULL VOLUME windows downnnn air making my 7jab flyyyyy. I couldn't but help feel This is the liiiiiife!

anyway, cuz i'm feeling hailigiya i'ma continue in this font!

yes, so ALL THE EYE CAN SEE ARE CORN FIELDS (check out left & right of the road)!!!!

Soooo beautiful mashalla BUT reminds me of Jeepers Creepers!! Freaked me outttttttttttttttt!! So anyway. Half an hour to go andddddd WHAT HAPPENS?

YES. YOU GUESSED IT! WE GOT PULLED OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7ameer cops here actually do their jobs!!!

so WHY did we get pulled over?

ILL TELL U! Cz the cop was parked on the right side of the right lane. And my brother did not know that when a cop is parked on the side of the road, ur supposed to change lanes to the left. Their stupid law/rule/wtv makes sense, but ITS ANNOYING!!

So the dude sees both my brothers licenses Kuwaiti & int'l let us gooooo.....

LOOK HOW GREEN!

LOOK ITS THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!

A BAAARN!

aaaand theeeeennnnnnnn..... WI9ALNA BELSALAMA 3ALA RAAS 7AMAMA (don't ask).

YAYYYYY *RUNS INSIDE*

YES AN INDOORS THEMEPARK *runs around*

Little brothers & I went on the roller coaster, twas YOMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Took our pix screaming. Goood memories!

after 5 hours of walking around and buying everything in sight we left from Bloomingdales door which made me want to die a little inside, and headed home!!

aaand what happened on the way home???

RAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

~~yes, that's all.~~

the ROADTRIP felt like I was in a Movie!!!! I kept waiting for something of the following to happen;

Get pulled over. DONE.

FLAT TIRE. el7amdilla no.

A motel stop with cockroach bathrooms. ew, enough said.

A trucker hooting his horn at us (none of them would :( meanies!)

Stopping at a diner and eating without any money, and having to wash dishes. Ramadan.

Picking up psychotic hitch hiker! Nope. Didn't find any on the road!

All in All, good ROADTRIP!

It's come down to burning holy books?

2010-08-26T08:19:00.001+03:00

Non-denominational church in Gainesville Florida, USA plans to host an "International Burn a QURAN Day " on 9th anniversary of 9/11, from 6 to 9pm at church.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/07/29/florida.burn.quran.day/index.html

_________________________________________________________

WTF?!!!

WHAT R WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS?

SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!

I'm sure there will soon be an annual burn the bible day if this really does go on and more Muslims are aware of it. And then, Muslims will still be the "bad guys".

I don't understand these ignorant people who think that we are the bad people. All of this hatred towards us started after 9/11, and this country filled with these STUPID BLIND people! sha3b ghaby! They can't open their eyes and SEE the truth!!

I'll try to spell it out: OSAMA IS AN EXTREMIST. HE IS NOT CONSIDRERED MUSLIM. WE DO NOT FOLLOW NOR REPRESENT HIM AND HIS BELIEFS. WE ARE MUSLIMS, OUR PROPHET IS MOHAMMED AND OUR BOOK IS THE QURAN. WE. ARE. NOT. FOLLOWERS. OF. OSAMA. BINLADIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE FOLLOWERS OF THE PROPHET MOHAMMED (PBUH). OUR RELIGION REPRESENTS PEACE AND NOT WAR.

I hope thats clear enough.

I hope we don't retaliate in a bad way, which is burning the bible. But I do think it is necessary for us to do something to try and stop this. Simply put: it's our responsibility to try with everything we can to stop this.

One day Allah bya5ith 7agga minhom.

Jihannam wa bi2s alma9eer.

LaaLaaLaaCan'tThinkOfAPostNameLaaLaaLaa!!

2010-08-23T10:55:00.000+03:00

today was TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

I shall tell uu about the highlights!

First of all; the rest of my siblings elli kanaw blkuwait yaw ams!

So it was such a fun day even though ma sawait anything special!! Ambai i missed them so much!!

So I got up at 1pm, the younger boys went to see mom broo7hom and sat there, then dad, twin-F and I followed at 4.

So here Mayo Clinic consists of different buildings in different places. The building my mom is in is built around a garden. it's absolutely GORGEOUS!!!!! So gi3adna kelna bil garden, laying down on the grass, checking emails, playing uno, chatting. Then it was time for me to leave to go cook at 6. I went to cook and I cut myself SO BADLY when cutting the lettuce for the salad (only cuz my older bro gally becareful wintay tgi9een w i gi3adt atfalsaf sawait nafsy chef ramzy w sliced my index finger open -.-) :( it still wont stop bleeding! (its 240am now).

I took a pic of my *cough*war wound*cough*

Anyways, other than that I made coconut chicken soup (i know, sounds icky but its YUMM) and salad, and "Meat Masala" which is mrigat la7am bs indian style ;p and white rice.

Everybody came back home to eat. and of course everybody loved the food ;$ then we had raspberry cheese cake from the cheesecake factory for dessert, along with cinnamon tea of course, aaaaaaand soon it was 10pm.

Twin-M is still jetlagged so she slept while Twin-F, A (14 yr old bro) and H (11yr old bro) and I went out for a walk! The weather was juuuuuust right! H and I FI9ALNA BMA3NA ELKALIMA!! We rolled around in the grass. Raced to the stop lights, went into skipping-mode randomly, found an empty parking lot and started LIFFFFFING LIKE CRAAAZY! by the end of it i fell on my butt cuz I was SO DARN DIZZY!

and too soon the walk was over cuz A il maleeq is jetlagged and yabi ynam. *makes fart noises* party pooper.

anyways, as soon as we walk in my older bro goes like yalla let's go for a ride! So all of us get in the car, put the windows down, and and drive around randomly to ooooooooooooooooold music!!

twas awesome.

*sigh*

can you say perfect day?

BEST BDAY GIFT EVURRRR!!!!!!

2010-08-20T23:38:00.001+03:00

Okay. So my lil brothers are back in Kuwait w as u ALL know by now (cuz i keep mentioning it) it was my bday so what can they get me????

yep. u guessed it. pix of their "6packs"

LOOOL!!

This TOTALLY made me feel SO much better!!!

theeraaan ehabloon!!!!!! hahahahha

Shoofaw karsh the lil one (H) ITS SO BA6BOOO6!! *pokes it*

haha

-Lost!

20 candles.

2010-08-20T06:07:00.004+03:00

so... it's been a sucky bday. like......really sucky.

I'll walk you through it, cuz i'm feeling so UGH i could cry.

My brother wakes me up at 2pm for NO reason. Don't get me wrong I wasn't actually asleep I was jst laying in bed thinking. He comes into the room and yells "LOST GOOMAY YALLAH" im like okay enshallah. 3abaly 3inda salfa?

I wash up and walk into the 9aala. GOD it was a mess. And we're moving into another apartment tomorrow so I figured I should clean up. Then I walked into the kitchen and figured I should take out some chicken to defrost while I clean. I load the dishwasher, wipe the counters, take out the garbage, clean the bathroom, all that stuff. Then it was time to cut the things to make my chicken biryani. I diced the tomatoes and sliced the onions (cried WAYED during. Stupid bo9al) and cut the potatoes and crushed the garlic and ginger. skinned the chicken and I sliced cut my newly manicured nail right OFF. which totally fixed my awesome bday mood *inserts eye rolling here* anyway. It was too early to actually start COOKING the food cuz fu6oor is at 820 and it would end up being really cold and icky.

I sat down while my bro SMOKED (he doesn't believe zigayer yfa6roona) and blew it in my face n watched that 70's show for 2 hrs until it was time to start cooking.

So I cooked. Burnt my hand in THREE places :D yep. THREE. The choola is one of those electric ones and it wasn't getting hot! W i put it on high! So i put my hand slightly fooga to check if its on. I DID NOT touch it. Somehow my hand moved and touched the choola 8-) all I needed, another burn on my hands.

So I was done cooking and the 3aish was jst 3al choola on low heat.

I was rinsing off the dishes and I forgot my left hand was burnt n put it under SCOLDING hot water. and burnt 4 of my fingers. over the burns i already had. fuck u heat. thats all I gotta say.

My bro was doing his thing on his blog around me n didn't say happy bday or anything. didn't even smile at me.

So I decide im disgusting enough after cooking and kilshay I go take a COLD amazing shower, the cold water made me feel sooo good. ma 9arly 10 mins under the water I hear my bro yelling my name cuz we had to leave for the hosp. I rush out fully changed and walk into my bedroom n put some lotion and perfume on. My bro looks at me and goes... "Laish kash5a? ahaaa tadreen inna bin6al3ich haa??" keep in mind i definitely WAS NOT kash5a. I was wearing a plain dress with a cardy and jeans, but when compared with what I wear everyday to the hosp, pretty much PJs, I guess I am kash5a. La w the reason I wore a dress is cuz all my other clothes were dirty. Not cuz I wore it cuz "bi6al3oony" so anyway, he continues "ee yalla I should give u a hug! It's officially ur bday in kuwait." im like ????? "HUH? no actually it's officially my bday HNE" he picks up his phone and checks his calendar b3dain decides to give me one of his annoyingly painful hugs, and makes my newly pierced ears bleed. SHFEENY MITKAF5A ELYOM?? The person I was around ALL day remembered at 8pm.

So yah. We came hosp. We ate. and now they left and i'm sitting on the rocking chair with project runway in the background w ommy nayma.

B-Day well spent?

Don't think so.

I feel like a baby now bs wallah like bdays 7ag anybody I care about I literally do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in my power to make it a good day for them. Why is Karma not fair when it's me?

On another note my bro got me a DKNY gorgeous gold watch (which he gave me 10 days ago)

and my sis got me a Ralph Lauren baby pink button down shirt and a steve madden bag. Both which I absolutely adore. (she gave those to me 4 days ago)

Oh, and my bro got me an oreo mcflurry to make up for not taking me out I guess, it's melting w ma7ad byakla cuz I dont rlly feel like icecream. but watevs.

and now everybody in Kuwait is asleep so i'm gonna spend my night alone watching some stupid show and doing nothing.

Anyways, Sorry I talked wayed.

ttfn ;*

-Lost.

P.S. I hate that my brother is blogging now. Blogosphere was my place. If he just reads ONE of my posts he'll know it's me. w mabi.

P.P.S. The reason Eric from true bloods pic is at the top of my post is cuz he's so yum.

5 New Obsessions.

2010-08-18T07:37:00.007+03:00

1.Music;

&

...

better Lilo?

Adry it's Ramadan.

I don't normally do this bas it's impossible to NOT listen to music around my bro!!

Bel Sayara, bil apartment, bil KELSHAY!

2.Yoplait!

in EVERY flavor!!!!

Bs my fav 2 are strawberry w Strawberry Cheesecake.

keep in mind i HATE fruit yogurt.

bas yoplait for some reason is the yummiest thing after CHEESE!

3. Cleaning.

Seriously! I've turned into a HYGIENE FREAK! Killa I'm washing or wiping or cleaning something!! Be it the dishes or the counters or the laundry or ELECTRONICS! I wiped my brothers laptop while he was asleep cuz he sneezed yesterday and I could FEEL the germs on it. I couldn't feel better until I wiped it with my clorox wipes.

Plus i've picked up a bad habit of washing my hands TWENTY-FOUR/SEVEN!

Before I eat. WHILE I EAT! After I eat. (elyom w el ligma b7aljy at f6oor gimt aghasil eedy!) Awal ma adish el bait. Gabel la a6la3. Awal ma agoom. Gabl la a6ba5. 3ugb ma i touch ANYTHING! Even lamma y7i6oon commercials while I'm watching a show agoom quickly I wash my hands!!!! Even before I shower!!! I've picked up every hygiene freak nickname there is. 24 saa3a 6aye7 ti6inniz feeny u5ooy. he keeps blowing into my face ygolly I need the germs :) do you know how ANNOYING n DISGUSTING that is?!

4. True blood.

I refused to watch it awal ma 6ila3 cuz I'm a prude :P bs i've been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bored lately! W I watched anything there is to watch! So I figured id give it a try w i mute laptop n turn around when icky scenes come on. So far i'm 4 episodes into the second season n it's getting boring. BUT I find myself thinking in their accent!! like how they say "dudn't" instead of "doesn't" and other words I can't remember now. But yeah. Odd.

5. My weight

Seriously, it's ALWAYS on my mind.

It's a little sad.

___________________________________________________________

Check this out:

freaky 9a7?

I've been reading up and watching documentaries about him wayed lately.

He's psychotic.

__________________

On another note, I wanna read Eat Pray Love.

I wanna be part of/start a book club.

Heard of any good/stable ones in Kuwait?

-Lost;*

P.S. 20 tomorrow. Feels.....WEIRD!

TWENTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-14T08:28:00.003+03:00

OH.EM.GEE!!

I haven't had one of these random talking about nothing really long posts in a while and I just finished watching Harpers island.. and OMG I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any one of you seriously dump the stupid arabic tv shows and invest ur time in watching it. At first it seems sorta stupid but then OMG!! wow seriously. Best show i've seen in a while!

On another note, my butt is numb. I've been in this same position for like 4 hrs now nafs el ga3da.

Also, my mom is snoring. LOL! Maskeena she's had a long day!

So today the weirdest/scariest situation happened. Okay so i'm in Rochester, MN. Since there's a LOT of Kuwaitis here Im perfectly comfortable with giving out tht info :P but yeah. Anyway back to my story. Eee!! I woke up this morning and the first thing i thought awal ma fachait 3ainy is "I'm gonna die today" I sorta freaked myself out but brushed it off to a dream I probably had and forgot n went on with my chores (chore story will come later :P ) anyway ee, then around 4pm the front desk at the hotel call up and tell us we're on TORNADO WATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They said that the safest place to be is the First floor and that if we didn't feel comfortable being there then if we hear or feel anything we should straight away go into the hallway n stick by the walls. Imagine. How scary is that!! Seeda I run to the window and pull open the curtain and it was POURING with rain. Like crazy amounts!!! w thunder w 7aaala! So hne im like OHHHH CRAP BAMOOT ELYOOOM! So what do I do? Ya3ny al7een 5ayfa w bamoot w 7alty 7aala! I switch on the TV and watch friends -.-

yah. I know. I surprised myself too :P laa w me and my bro are arguing w i went silent suddenly cuz 9ij 7asait ambaih 5al agoom a9ally!!! BAMOOT ELYOM! w ohwa he's like naa mako shay 3adi *lights his cigarette*

Anyway tornado watch passed w il7amdilla ma 9ar shay! Bs u know the whole time eb baaly the movie "twister" it's old n some of u might not have seen it :P bs like wallah 7asait ba6eer ma3a bogar w b3deen ill die cuz i cnt breathe cuz like wayed wind w twister w 7aala :P haha. adry wallah im a freak.

On another note, I made the AWESOMEST F6OOR EVURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. *high fives myself* Speaking of f6oor. It's at 9pm here. imagine. 9pm. it's like naakil b3deen innam! Well, no not really I dnt sleep tht early bs u knw.. its still late!!

On another another note, i really really really miss my friends! :( I'm supposed to stay here until the end of september so im here a few days before uni starts but elyom my bro & I were talking w we might head back at the end of aug instead. Nothing for sure yet so im not gonna tell my lovelies elli bil kuwait yet but it would be nice to be there for 3eed. Not that my family ever do anything for 3eed. U knw how normal families gather with cousins and aunts n whatnot? Yeah well 3eed for us is like hanging out bil bait n goin out for dinner bs e7na broo7na :P and since min kither ma i miss my siblings elli hnak abi abchy tht sounds SOOOOOOOOOO good right now!! Also, things I miss:

-My bed
-My car
-My freedom (I feel like a maid here-.-)
-My TV
-My KILSHAY :'( ok overly dramatic but u get it.

Alsoooooo I have become acquainted with the fabulous abi ommi abi oboy She's fadoooooorable!! And it's scary how tiny kuwait is. We met through a mutual friend and we each didnt knw the other was a blogger until our mutual friend the fithee7a told me who she was :P LOL. But yeah. getting back to my point. kuwait is TINY!!! Ya3ny we turned out to have so many other mutual friends. twas sorta scary/cool :P

Oh and LILO MY FRIEND WHO NEVER SLEEPS!! Plz come online when ur up and have nothing better to do :( I miss you, thumbaleena. ok i dunno wat a thumbaleena is but it reminds me of u. ILL REMOVE UR PIMPLE WITH MY MAGICAL POWERS IF U COME ONLINE *dies a little inside*

ok tht last dying bit was overly dramatic.

On another another another note. I heart mayo clinic. I heart the doctors, the nurses, the hallways, the doors, the KILSHAY! Their care is AMAZING. I cant help but compare it to Mubarak hospital and wish I could shoot somebody hnak :(

I also heart macaroni & cheese. and String cheese!!!! OMG IM OBSESSED WITH STRING CHEESE LATELY!!! If u dont see any b2eedy/7aljy then im either fasting or i finished the pack :P

It's bad. Seriously. Im obsessed with cheese. There should be a name for what i have! There probably is but Im too lazy to google it.

OH! and my birthday is in 5 days. I dont have bb services and I don't have a properly working phone line. So I know tis gonna be a sucky bday w ba7is enna il kil nisa. I also hate happy bday fb msgs. The ppl only remember cuz FB reminded them. so it doesnt count. hmph.

im so impossible i know.

_____________________________________________________________________

Anyway, my 20 birthday wishes:

1-I wish mom would get better
2-I wish I was back home
3-I wish I could at least have super powers n could fly home anytime I wanted to.
4-I wish I could think of 20 wishes.
20-I wish I was turning 18 and not 20.

_____________________________________________________________________

Things I want:
-itouch 32gb. or ipod classic 160gb. But I want the classic more cuz Ima get an iPhone soon so no point of an itouch. Bs like either way i'd be equally happy :D
-PJS!!
-Macbook (gift i'm getting myself :D)
-bigger toe nails :( 7addi maskeena wallah. my toe nails are so tiny. i can't paint them. when i do paint them i have to paint around them to have normal looking toes. like you'd think i'm exaggerating if I told u how tiny. Nevertheless I still like my fugly shrek feet.
-im out of things I want.
-oh! also, a puppy. I really want one now. I love them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_____________________________________________________________________

Okay so I think this post should be comin' to an end. Im gonna watch Letters to god or letters to juliet orrrr the last song (even though lilo said tis icky! Im curious)

Soooo longgggggggggggg

-Lost

p.s. WATCH HARPERS ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.p.s. I wanna speed to this song!

___________________________________

p.p.p.s. I jst reread my whole "lostb2amreeka" story, and it's making my hand itch to write more. Bs a7is even if i do write it'd be useless w ma7ad byigra cuz the whole blog story hype is over with! So be honest....

New story anyone?

Sickness SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-02T04:13:00.001+03:00

Ugh god, I really didn't have much to say until just now when i checked FourMe's blog. im filled with words..

Sickness sucks. It's simple, life sucks right? You all think it sucks for you, in so many different ways. You can't be with the guy you love, you can't buy the designer bag u want, you cant have a puppy, your parents wont let u go to italy, that cute guy mo ma36eech wayh? Theres always SOMETHING missing, right? Well what if it was your health that was missing? What if you felt like you're deteriorating, as days pass all you can think of is.... will today be my last day?

Ugh you guys, imagine!!!! Im surrounded by sick people all the time, but the mere thought of ME being sick is SO beyond me. I don't even acknowledge it. It feels impossible.. sort of like death, right? You never think "I might die today," but you think "ahh, I'll die when i'm an old granny on my bed in my sleep" Is it the same for u guys? When it's okay you'll start praying tomorrow, it's okay you'll stop listening to music tomorrow. Our lives are based on PROCRASTINATION!!!!!!!!!! We think we're immortal, until we get a cold! Well imagine if you had CANCER! Where you're given POISON as an antidote and ur odds may still be SLIM. imagine if you had MS, when you deteriorate and turn into a vegetable and then die. Im sorry FourMe if my words are harsh.. but i think a reality check needs to take place, I think everybody needs to live their days like they're the last they're going to have before it's too late. I know, I sound like a fortune cookie. but COME ON!!

My mom was SUCH A STRONG PERSON but look what MS did to her. Now she can't even sit up straight or feed herself. Lilo's mom was the exact same, she's was the type of woman that when she walked in the room, it would be filled with silence from the RESPECT everybody had for this genuinely strong woman. I can't say I know FourMe or what she was like before she got sick, but go check her blog, read her posts that were pre-illness. Look what kind of person she was. She's me, she's you, she's any other normal girl. So why are YOU so special? Why her???? Why my mom?? Why Lilo's mom?? Is it like a lottery in reverse? Is this really random? Or does God pick the strongest people and test their strength as best he could?

Sorry, i'm rambling...

I'll stop it now and leave u with these words, think about it... imagine how lucky you are to have your health.. Imagine what your life would be like if you were sick, truly think about it.. and then think about these 3 women i've mentioned in my post... and pray for them.. Please, they're truly in need of your prayers...

Inshallah allah ma y7e6kom eb amakinhom... Inshallah allah ygawemhom bil salama.. Inshallah bachir nisma3 these 3 amazing people gamaw bel salama w t7assinaw 7atta lou shway... Bas all I ask of god is to relieve FourMe of her pain and illness, to help both Lilo & I's mothers get through these stages of MS...

Ya rab, ishfeehom ;/

LITS!

2010-07-26T20:39:00.002+03:00

HELLOOOOO I MISS YOU DEAR BLOG!

I am officially "Lost in THE STATES" again :P

I have been hereee since the 23rd!

I heart the place we're staying at. It rocks.

If I had to live anywhere in the states forever it'd totally be HERE!

Also, the weather isn't 50 C! LOLOL! misakeen. allah y3eeeeenkuuuuummmmmmmmm!

anyways.

I go now.

Just wanted to brag about the weather :P

haha.

BYEE

-Lost ;*

...

2010-05-24T12:39:00.001+03:00

What have I done to deserve this?

I love my mom, more than anything in this world. She's my priority, always will be n always has been..

But I can't keep doing this..

I can't keep leaving the country unexpectedly. Again, I love my mom and I would do ANYTHING for her to get her health back. Even if it does mean up n leaving n taking time off my life. But it doesn't mean I'll be happy when I have to do it...

Yesterday my dad tells me I have to leave ASAP to go to the state with mom again, he calls one of my professors and asks him to let me do my final exam with him early. So I realized that this decision has gone past my fathers words. Its gonna happen.

I went to uni today and in class I told my pregnant friend about my situation, she's taking all of her finals early because she's giving birth soon so I asked her wat I have to do, straight after class we went to the offices downstairs and we asked what documents I'll need to push my exams up. Then I called my professor and told her about my situation and she said I have to start taking my finals tomorrow. I get the papers I need to study from my friend I kept my happy face on and laughed with my all of my other friends after... Jst cuz I dnt want them to knw how I feel cuz I don't want to be portrayed as weak.

On my way back home I couldn't take it anymore... I put on my sunglasses and blasted up the music in my car and just wept.

Why does this have to happen again?
Why am I never consulted on whether or not I want to go?
What about my life here and my friends?
What about my plans?
What about my little sisters and brothers? Who's gonna take care of them? Who's gonna take my sisters shopping for their graduation outfits? Who's gonna be there to watch them graduate???
That was supposed to be me...
How can I be expected to just UP AND LEAVE?????
I still can't stop crying, since the car.

I always hope for miracles. And that's why I'm broken again.

Sincerely,
Soon to be "lost b2amreeka" again.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

Gone and Buried.

2010-02-09T22:46:00.002+03:00

L, this is for you, you inspired me to write again when I read your story yesterday and with whats happening, it seems appropriate.

_________________________________

My phone is ringing. I put down my monopoly money and hurry across the hospital room to get it from my bag. Oh, it's only dad. I sighed, pressing the small green button. "Hala yuba, how are you?"

"Baba… Bibi Hajer is very sick…" Dad sighed, "I just got off the phone with her son, the doctor gave her a few days, put down your monopoly cards and open up the Quran and read something for her. Her heart stopped this morning and now she's on machines, I'm going there right now." He sounded very upset. It was the first time he actually showed his feelings. Wow.

"Inshalla yuba, I'll tell mom now."

"Yallah baba, please 3ashani read some Quran,"

"Inshalla don't worry yuba" He hung up.

I picked up my crumpled monopoly money from the table and put it back in place, trying to concentrate on something else.

"Yuma…" I gulped, "Uboy ygol Bibi Hajer wayed ta3bana, eldoctor 3a6aha bas cham youm.. Egreelha cham soora min el Quran" Knowing fully what moms reaction would be I still told her, even though I was positive she would forget 30 minutes from then.

"Akhaihhh, Bibi Hajer qawiya, bitgoom blsalama inshalla," She replied. "Elli Allah katba bi9eer inshalla"

---2 hours later---

Phones ringing again. I take it out of my pocket this time; it's dad. I answer but he doesn't start to speak, "Alo?" I hesitated.

"Baba… Ra7at… 3ammity Hajer twaffat" He cried in between sobs.

SHIT!!!! "3atham Allah Ajrik yuba…" Is all I could say.

"Ajerna w ajrich, ajerna w ajrich baba…" He repeats. "Ana ga3id ma3a 3yalha.. Akalmich ba3dain." Fully knowing he was alone but just wanted to get off the phone, I said goodbye and hung up without any hesitation. I always had a thing with responding to people crying. Never know what to do.

Not being able to say another word, I put my head down, stared at the floor and my eyes automatically filled with tears. I picked up my phone again and started bbming Jazzi to let her know of the news. That didn't make me feel any better since all I could talk about is how I don't want to cry. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing down my cheeks so I ran into the bathroom, all the while acting as if I was okay to anybody who was around me.

In reality, I was torn apart. In reality, it hurt to have lost my great aunt. In reality, it hurt to watch my dad so weak. But also, in reality, I had to put on a brave face. Especially for my younger siblings. I wiped away my tears and hurried out of the bathroom and sat next to my mom.

"Shfeech?" Asked my older bro, Mousa.

"…Bibi Hajer died"

"Lah! Wallah kint a7ibha… Allah yer7amha" Is all he could respond.

-----The Next Morning, 8am-----

Today she will be buried. That sweet old woman, the one that stepped in to fill the void of my lost grandma will be buried, and all we, her relatives will have left are memories. Whether good or bad, at this point it doesn't matter. It just matters that there are memories of this woman. That she has left her mark on somebody's life.

I mentally drag myself out of bed, washed up, and threw on my 3abaya. I heard dad shouting in the background at my siblings, but I didn't care. And at that moment, I couldn't care.

I dragged myself down the stairs one by one. Not being able to take the image of Bibi Hajers lifeless body being covered in sand out of my head.

As bad as it sounds, it was easy pretending it didn't hurt that she's gone. Lying is always easy. I made coffee in my tumbler and hurried outside to start my car and wait for my siblings to come down. I just sat there watching dad pace up and down the driveway, like he had 101 problems and not a solution to any.

Finally, one by one they showed up, Mousa drove us to the cemetery. It was beautiful, not like you'd imagine a cemetery to look like.

At first it was confusing, there were lots and lots of men, and only a small crowd of women huddled to one side. I wanted to stay with the men and pray but Mousa wouldn’t let me, he herded us towards the women and went to pay his respects to Bibi Hajers sons.

There was a small room in the back where there was a lot of crying and so many women coming out, I refused to go in there because I knew her daughter would hug me and cry. And I also knew that I wouldn't be able to take that, that I was infact not strong enough to deal with that and tell her that this is what god wants, and that everything will be alright. Because to her everything will not be alright, to her she lost a mother. I didn't want to face the reality of it and recognize that the reason I was being a coward is because I am afraid of being in her shoes so much. Because then, I wouldn't be able to put on a brave face and be strong for my family. Then, I would be wishing to be buried alongside my mother…

My sisters and I stood outside the small room until all the women came flooding out, with Bibi Hajers daughter leading their way. I couldn't avoid it any longer, I had to go pay my respects. All it took was for her to look me in the eye, and she quickly reached out, hugged me and started sobbing in my arms. What do I say? WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A PERSON WHO JUST LOST THEIR MOTHER!? I hugged her even tighter, "3atham allah ajrich," I whispered in between her sobs. At that point, I was trying my hardest not to cry in front of my sisters.

"Ajerna w ajrich…" She let out with a loud sigh. "Allah yer7amha, Allah yer7omich ya yomma" She said, raising her arms to the sky. "Allah yer7omich…."

Now came the hard part. The burial. I stood as far away as possible, from both; the body, and the women. I couldn't deal with the loud sobs. I kept seeing myself here again but this time I'd be the one sobbing. The Sayid read Quran out loud, and taught the men how to do it right. How to bury the body the correct way. I remained as far away as possible. Soon, it was all over.

Sand was being tossed on top of her body left and right. It only took about 15 minutes to fill up the grave. Fifteen. You'd think it'd take longer.

At this point, there was no reality of the situation that had not already hit. At this point, it was over. Her life was officially over.

Allah Yer7amich Bibi Hajer, w yghamid roo7ich iljanna inshalla.

-Lost.

One.

2010-01-12T22:11:00.003+03:00

Hey all,

Okay! So! Guess what! Its my blogs first birthday!

Yeah, I know, cutie!

So I thought we'd all sing THE song to it :D

Yalla, ready?

We wish you a merry christmas we wish u a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas and a haaapppyyyy new yeaaaar!

Ok. Joke. Haha :p

Happy Bdayyyy dear blog<3
You've been with me through a lot. You've made it possible to put the stories in my head out there for people to read. Whenever I need u ur always there :D thank youuu, dear bloggggg!

Gniight everyone ;*

-Lost

P.s.: instead of reading my post u couldve studied a word or two for ur finals, tsk tsk. :p yeah. I know. Finals suck.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

R.I.P. Ja'afar

2009-12-25T16:37:00.003+03:00

Ja'afar was taking a walk in mishref with his twin brother, yasser when it happened. When ja'afars life was taken. Ja'afar was a 19 year old university student studying in the states. He had just come back and was reunited with his family for the holidays. This post is dedicated to ja'afar. A boy I had never met and will never have the pleasure of meeting.

According to many commentors, The woman who had run him over had taken full responsibility for it and claimed that she did not see him crossing the street. At first I had gotten the story wrong and I posted with resentment for her, but now that I know the truth about what had happened I feel for her.

I wish there was something I could do to help his mother, father, and siblings through this. Especially yasser who watched his brother die.. But all I can do is to post and ask you all to tad3oon 7ag ja'afar, please take some time to read a verse or two from the quran and dedicate it to him, just give him 10 minutes of your time.

Thank you.

-Lost

Commenters

2009-12-14T08:53:00.001+03:00

Dear RevealedSecrets, Anonymous1, Anonymous 2, Serenade, fingerprint, dalal, red, khalid, blbm:**, M, a journal entry, and captivated.

I just wanted to thank you guys for the prayers for my mom, it means so much to me. Inshalla allah yisma3 minkom w minnna w yashfeeha..

Thank you,

Lost.

3eedkom mbarak!

2009-09-20T16:29:00.002+03:00

3asakom min 3awwadah inshalla!

Nothing to sayy bs just wanted to wish u guys a happy eiidd<3.

It's been a boring day, I literally spent it in bed.

Anywayss,

A7ebkum.

-Lost.

Picking Up The Pieces (12)

2009-07-05T23:00:00.000+03:00

Okay, so adri I was gonna stop this story, but Lilo is making me finish, cuz ma 3indi salfa apparently! -.-

Exquisite, 7abeebti! This post is dedicated to you because you wouldn't stop until you convinced me I don't suck :P ;*** Thank you 7abeebti. It means a lot!

........... so here goes... hope u guys like it! N if u don't, comment anyway! :P

_____________________________________________

I barely had any energy, but I had to go. I always hated funerals. They made me want to crawl up in the corner of a very dark hallway and cry my heart out. When you see the mother, wife, daughter, sister, that is crying so much, wishing her life would've been taken instead. Wishing for one more moment with her loved one, with a person who she once loved, a person who now and forever is nothing but a mere memory. Oh god I really didn't want to go.

The burial this morning was hectic enough. I cried so much, and not because I was close to him, not because I was thinking back of memmories, or because I knew I had one less person in my life. But because I felt for the family, the people who were sobbing so much, they didn't even take a pause to breathe, feeling that the world is coming to an end. The thought that they have one less person in their life. That's what made me cry. I cried for their sorrow. Not because I lost somebody.

I picked up my phone and dialed Maha's number, 6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. "Alo..?" Answered her croaky voice.

"Hey.. you don't sound so good hun, you ok?" I asked, what a stupid question to ask. Obviously she's not okay. She's far from it. We all are.

"Yeah, i'm fine..." She replied. That's Maha for you, trying so hard not to show any emotion.

"Okay hun," I let it go, she'll come around to talking to me, she always does. "Want me to pick you up?"

"No, let me pick you up, it's closer to your house, makes more sense."

"Okay, i'm gonna get dressed now"

"Be there in 10 minutes, bye." She hung up.

She was definitely not okay.

I still couldn't put my head around to the idea that it was his time. I know, as a muslim, we can't question what god wants, but it was too sudden. I changed into the plainest 3abaya I could find, wrapped on a shaila, not caring about how it looked, but just that it covered my hair. As soon as I grabbed my phone from my bedside table it stopped flashing announcing Maha's call. 1 Missed Call. Wow that was fast. I went downstairs to the kitchen grabbing 2 bottles of water, and a box of tissues, just incase.

I walked out to find Maha in the back seat, head leaning against the window, deep in thought.

"Not in the mood to drive, eh?" I asked, getting in the car, motioning to her driver, Saadiq.

"Not really, figured it'd be safer this way,"

"Yeah, good call," I said, while reaching out to hug her. I didn't want to let go because she needed me, even if she wouldn't admit it, it's hard being in this situation.

"Let go of me la the water works start again" She sniffed.

"Sorry!" I instantly let go, "is he okay?"

"He's hanging in there... He really loved him, you know?"

"Yeah, who doesn't love their own father?" I asked rhetorically, sinking into the car seat. "What happened on the buggy? I didn't get a chance to ask you,"

"Erm, well.. When we were driving around his sister kept calling, and the vibration of the phone in his pocket annoyed and distracted him, so when he stopped to tell 7amanni to race him for four laps, he gave it to me.." She sighed, "His sister then got fed up of calling and texted, I shouted over the sound of the wind and the buggys engine that he got a text from her and he told me to read it out loud to him, it read, "ابوي عطاك عمرة .." I told him to stop the buggy, but he kept shouting over my voice that I should just read it to him, so out of impulse I just did. That's when he stopped the buggy and everything after followed, I still feel bad for you and 7amanni getting hurt... Im so relieved that you survived with a few scratches and a shattered tent, a7san bel tent mu feekom, I always say.." She forced herself to smile, and looked away. A tear rolled down her cheek.

I didn't know what to do, I knew she wanted to be left alone, but I just couldn't leave her alone. I wiped away her tear and reminded her that i'm not going anywhere. She gave me another smile and turned around.

"I just hope he's going to be alright...." She whispered to herself.

Picking Up The Pieces (11)

2009-05-20T14:58:00.008+03:00

"Shatha, lech khelg tetmashain?" He looked up at me. I was sitting on the couch in the big tent and he was sitting on the floor right infront of my legs. I tickled him with my toes, "ee!" and flashed him a smile.

"I don't get tickled," He smiled and stuck his tongue out.

"May9eer! I do!" I pouted, "crap. I shouldn't be putting ideas in your head!"

"you're not putting anything in my head." he wiggled his eye brows "ta3alay bagollich shay,"

"HAHA a little more obvious, PLEASE!" I laughed

"No walla I'm serious I'm not going to tickle you," his smile broadened, he looked sincere enough.

"fine, mako a7ad just say whatever it is out loud!" I demanded.

"No abi agollich between me and you b2athoonich,"

Chathab. "Okayyy" I learned forward to 'hear' what he has to say. "Yesss?"

He quickly pulled me off the couch and onto the floor next to him, and planted a very fast kiss on my left cheek.

"Well... That was unexpected," I said, rubbing my butt. "Ouch? Inshalla ta36eeni warning" I said, realizing I was rubbing my butt in front of him. Oops. I immediately stopped.

"Te3awartay?"

"No, i'm rubbing my butt for fun." I glared at him.

"Ana aaasif!" He gave me another kiss.

I blushed, "hehehe you're forgiven!"

"Sooo," He whispered, coming closer. "How about that walk?"

"Yalla," I replied, quickly pecking his cheek and standing up, as soon as it hit me that I just kissed him I blushed and pretended to look for my shoes. He got up from the floor, walked towards me, and put his arms around my hips. His face was once again inches from mine, I could feel his warm breath on my skin, it was intense, he was so close, he just looked into my eyes, with his arms around me, just staring, looking.

"As long as i'm sane, you will be mine." He whispered. I couldn't reply. I couldn't even think of a word to say. I just looked back at him with astonishment. "This man will be different than all the others," I kept repeating to myself internally.

Our bodies were stuck to eachother. It was perfect. This was nothing less than perfect. His hands raised from my hips, and gradually went to the sides of my stomach. My mind went far far away. What was he doing?!! I tried pushing him away but he wouldn't let go and started laughing, "7amanni! Let gooo!!" I shouted. His laughter just grew. "Its not funnnnyyy!" His fingers started moving very fast on the sides of my stomach, I couldn't help but laugh "STOP TICKLING ME!" My eyes started tearing up from laughter, I fell onto the floor "basssss! bas !!! ahahahh bas!!!! 7amannnaaayyyyy baaaasss!!!! I can't breath ahahaha!" After what seemed like 15 minutes of non-stop laughter he stopped tickling me and lay down on the floor about half a meter away from me.

"I bet you didn't see that coming!" He beamed, amused.

"No, I did not!" I huffed, smiling at him.

"Yalla, you wanna go walk?" He turned to look at me and smiled.

"Yallaa," I replied.

We went outside, the air had cleared up.

"Yay, I can breathe!" I smiled. He just turned, looked at me as if studying my features for the first time and smiled back.

We walked and talked, and laughed, until I spotted 7amad on one of the buggys, speeding. With maha sitting behind him with her arms wrapped around him. "7amannniii, you thinkin' what i'm thinkin'?" I looked up at him, god he was tall, I felt like a baby standing next to him.

"Yes I am!" He walked towards the buggy, we got comfy on it, and he switched it on. He went at a steady speed, I imagined it was because he didn't want to scare me.

"7AMANNI! RACE 7AMAD! LET'S BEAT THEM!" I shouted so loud even 7amad on the other buggy a couple of meters away from us could hear me. He looked at us, smiled and sped up. In return, 7amanni did the same. "Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!" I shouted excitedly.

"W ana min msaa3 khayif intay khawafa gelt khal amshy ba6ee2"

"Haha, NO. I race with Ritha ALL the time,"

"Khoosh!" He laughed.

"3ABDELRA7MAAN!" 7amad shouted, waving his arms in the air, as if signalling for us to stop. 7amanni stopped the buggy right next to theirs.

"Let's race, 5 times around the camp?" 7amad asked, as if reading our minds.

"Fouuga!" 7amanni replied excitedly.

They raced, with us still sitting behind them.

In the fourth lap, 7amad suddenly stopped.

7amanni was going too fast and we were right behind them.

"7AMAD!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted.

7amanni quickly tried to turn around, making the sharpest turn ever, which caused the buggy to flip over and crash right into the tent.

Picking Up The Pieces (10)

2009-05-03T15:43:00.000+03:00

Sorry adri 6awalt 3alaikom, had wayid stuff going on!

Lovekom ;*

Oh, and i put comment moderation on cuz i'm not a fan of spammers ;p

byeee;** enjoy!

__________________________________________________________

"Sooooo... Where are we going todayyy?" I threw myself on the bed, laying down.

"Madrii kaifech, anything in mind?"

"Noo.. madrii, widdi ashoof 7amanni," I giggled.

"Ma midaakom! 9arlikom a week you started talking again, you wanna see him already?"

"ee I don't know why I'm just dying to see him!! Ambayy time does fly! 9arlina a week?"

"Yeah, I'm your calender, remember?" I could see her rolling her eyes, even over the phone.

"Yeah yeah, don't go flaunting your good memory at me la I give you a deadly gaze!"

"Mm I wonder how you're going to manage a deadly gaze over the phone!"

I laughed, "Inzain wain nroo7?"

"Madrii..."

Silence.

"I know!" I beamed. "THE BEACHHH!!"

"Ummm, sweetie, are you aware of your surroundings? Shrayich t6ileen out of the window?"

I sat up and pulled the curtain open to see the weather outside, "oh.. it looks like 5irrai6! I wonder if it tastes like it!"

"Aaand 5irrai6 iss...?"

"Duude the yellow rock thing you eat!"

"YOU EAT ROCKS?"

"Ee, I'ts not as hard as rocks you can chew it and stuff!"

"Ooookay then, my best friend, jazoora."

I laughed, "Dude, you've never had 5irrai6? Seriously?"

"Yes? I'm sure i'm not the only one out there..."

"Mahooooo!!!!!!!!! HAVE U HAD KASTANA????"

"OMG what is it with you and eating weirdly named things! Let me guess.... is it an insect?"

"yai3 way3a! It's... ermmm.. what's it called in english?" I looked through my mind for it's name but couldn't remember it. "Well it's good! This gives me an idea!!"

"What??"

"Surprise, give me 7amads number I need to talk to him!"

"98765432.... you're scaring me shway!" I

"Get dressed, wear your old juicy training that your maid ruined with the iron!"

"I threw it, why would you want me to wear that! Dude! Allah y3eennny 3ala the people i'm friends with! Freaka!!"

"Fine, wear something you don't care much about ruining and making dirty, gotta go call your boyfriend! OH YEAH! AND BRING THOSE PRETTY CHMAA'3Z YOU HAVE! I'll pick you up in an hour! Bye!" I hung up before she could reply and dialed 7amads number.

6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. "Hala Shatha,"

"Hala 7amad, shloonik?"

"Maashy el 7aal, entay shlonich?"

"Bkhair, listen!!!" I shouted, "My family set up a camp thing bel bar like last week and I know for a fact it's empty because it's a school day... Soooooo I was thinking We go there today! It's 11am so we have all day there!"

"Who go? We go? Me and you go?"

I started laughing so hard, "No!" It hit me then that 7amanni and 7amad were still on bad terms, so I took him out of the equation, for now. "Me you and Maha go!!"

"Ohhhhh, ok! Don't you want to bring anyone?"

"Laa 3adee, i'll ride around bil buggy and give you guys some privacy!" I wiggled my eyebrows as if he could see me. Knowing 7amad, I knew he would never say no to this offer.

"Okayy, akallim M7ammad agolla eyee yg3ad m3ach?"

"Umm... La I actually just want to ride around by myself," I lied.

"Okay 3ala ra7tich, Dizeely msg fee il details, wain il mo5ayam w chithee.."

"Aiight will do, bye"

"bye,"

I hung up, and made my last call.

6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. "Hala wallah, this is unexpected!" 7amannis voice beamed.

"Hey 7amanni, how's youuuu?" I sang.

"Bkhair damich bkhair!"

"But I didn't tell you inna ana bkhair!" I gasped, "You psychic?"

"Ee tadreen li2anna I don't have a car, I get around on a magic rug," He tried to joke.

"Maleeeeeeeeeeeeq" I tried to sound bored.

He laughed, "Haa wainich?"

"Ana bel baiiit, bas I called to ask you about something!"

"Tefa'6elay.."

"Wellllll, you know how you and 7amad are still not talking?"

"Yes..."

"I think I can fix that, or at least try to!"

"Umm... What do you have in mind?"

I told him my idea and he agreed, I texted both 7amad and 7amanni the details to where the camp is set, changed into a comfortable pair of jeans, a blue t-shirt, long sleeved black cardigan and black hijab, grabbed "bar food" from the kitchen, and took the keys to the "bar car" a.k.a the trial blazer and headed to Maha's house.

As soon as I got there I dialed her number. 6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. "KANI NAZLA!" She hung up.

She came downstairs, juggling 2 bags and 2 metal coffee cups.

"Coffeeee" I opened my eyes as wide as they'd go.

"Yessss, always prepared! Figured you haven't had your morning coffee yet?"

"I haven'tttt kint bamur starbucks on our way to the place!"

"Wain the place! Tell me!"

"Mako it's a surprise, 9ij that reminds me, yibtay shmaa'3z?"

"eee 4 colors, I got two from baba's closet, those winter red ones! Didn't know what color you'd be wearing! I was very afraid of asking where we're going because I thought you had plans to take me to a dark alley and rape me!" She pouted.

I laughed, pleased she still hasn't guessed. "Laa hatha next week, be prepared!"

"Inshalla" She pouted again and sipped her coffee. "I be DeeeJayyyyy!"

"W etha mo entay DJ mino DJ?" I said as I pulled my iPod out of my handbag.

We had one of those silent car rides, listened to music and hummed along to it.

"So it's not an alley, you're raping me in the middle of the desert so nobody can find me" She shot me a dirty look. "Seriously, ho! Tell me where we're going!"

"Fine!" I gave in, as always. "Binroo7 el mokhayam!" I beamed, hoping she'd be excited.

"MEN 9EJJICH!?! Can you see the weather?? The sky is YELLOW mama, YELLOW!" She argued.

"Chubay, your boyfriends coming also! Stop arguing!!"

"Malat. I knew it wallah."

"Bite me no you didn't!"

"I so did, min awal ma khathaitay raqma I knew btetlaigifain w ta3zimeena out with us with 7amanni there!"

I turned around, shocked. "Ya 7mara how'd you know!!!!"

"I can read you like an open book, slut."

"Wayhech," it was my turn now to pout. "Inzain, how do you think 7amad will react?"

"Welll, he'll be furious with you cuz you're malgoofa! Bas he won't say anything to you, he will yet7al6am 3indi afterwards!"

"I meant do you think he would forgive 7amanni?"

"He says he'll never forgive him, but he's too kind hearted I really do believe that if 7amanni apologizes sincerely then he will forgive and forget..." She trailed off, but my mind went else where. Score. He better forgive him! Then Maha and I will date best friends!! Ohmygod that would be sooooo cooool!!! Ugh god elli yesma3ni ygool 7amanni and I are dating! Ambaii chub and focus on your driving Shatha! You're going to drive into a truck!!!!

As soon as the camp was in sight I could spot 7amad's car parked next to two buggy's. Maha's face beamed with excitement, even though she was still bummed about the weather. She wrapped a shma'3 around her face, covering her nose and mouth.

"Later!" She shouted, slamming the foor shut and running towards the biggest tent.

I couldn't help but smile to myself at how happy she is. "Allah ykhaleehom 7ag ba3a'6" I sighed.

My phone came to life, vibrating. Zii6 .. ziii6 .. zii6 ..

Incoming call
StrangerFromAPlane<3

"Hellloooooo!"

"Halaa wallah," He replied, "Kani warach"

I looked at my rear-view mirror. There he was, standing there looking sexy as hell.

I opened the car window, "Wain 9ifa6t? Ma shift sayartik!"

"9efa6t bel 9oob el thany, ma kent adry etha 7amad y3arf enni yaay fa gelt a9fe6 hnak," His smile faded.

"Oh ok,"

"Yalla mishaina?"

"Okay," I smiled at him, flashing him the dimple on my left cheek.

He smiled back and opened the car door for me. Chivalry is definately back from the dead!

"Y9eer amshy 7aafy???" I smiled so hard it hurt.

"Elli yray7ech 7abeebti" He replied.

Did he just call me 7abeebti? I could feel my lips burning. 7abeebta! What where'd that come from! I quickly took my converse off and stood by his side, almost running. I needed to go tell Maha what he just called me.

"Maha and 7amad plz stop making out and 6el3aw!" I shouted into the tent, eyes closed.

"Shathoo! Who says that you freak! We were just talking," She giggled.

Just talking my ass. 7amad came out and faced 7amanni, the look on his face was so aggressive it scared me.

"Umm... 7amad, I believed you've met 7amanni?" I tried to make light of the situation.

"Lisoo2 il 7a'6." 7amad raised an eyebrow, "Lik wayh tyee hne?" 7amad held Maha's hand and pulled her closer to him.

No reply from 7amanni, he knows he deserved that. I held his hand and squeezed it, to show him that i'm there for him. Today, tomorrow, or next year, they have to get this confrontation out of their systems, whether it ends good or bad.

"7amad please calm down," Maha whispered to him.

"Shino calm down Maha? Your friend hathy laha wayh tyeeb hatha hne???" He raised his voice and turned to me. "Ma tisti7een 3ala wayhech??"

Maha took a step away from 7amad, "calm down please, w don't talk to her like that.."

"Agool, ana ma asti7y 3ala wayhe?? Your friend yaay yet2asaflik! The least you could do is at least hear him out, 3aib 3alaik 7amad." I shot back at 7amad.

7amad just started at me blankly, and 7amanni held me closer to him, "Shatha... please go with Maha for a walk, this is between me and 7amad..." He said, and let go of my hand.

Maha heard him and walked towards me, "Let's go for a walk babe," She said, as she looked back at 7amad and gave him a stop-being-an-ass look.

Maha and I walked around, silently watching our feet with every step we took. Neither of us dared to look back at the boys.

"Mm I wonder if they're done making up," Maha broke the silence.

"Yeah.." I looked back to the sight of 7amad and 7amanni standing a foot away, with the most serious looks on their faces, "guess they aren't" I added.

"Huff, that's it, no more." She replied, as she stomped in their direction.

As soon as she was in hearing distance to them she shouted "khalla9taw? Did you kiss and make up yet? Cuz i9ara7a i'm really hungry!"

They both laughed awkwardly, I joined them "I heard she's hungry, ha taboon nashwy ribs?" I could feel my mouth water. "And a veggie burger for Maha," I added, knowing she would never eat ribs with us.

"Fooga" 7amanni said, looking at 7amad, as if he was asking him if it was okay to stay.

"ee wallah 3ad ana mishtihi ashwy," 7amad added, giving 7amanni an assuring look.

I mentally squealed, YAY! They're friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"7amanni help me get the food from my car please," I asked, hoping Maha wouldn't volunteer to help me instead.

She smiled at me, wiggled her eyebrows and grabbed 7amads arm, "7amooody-Poooh, let's walk around and let them cook for us,"

"Okay bas deeray baalich la yi6la3lich '6ab!" He shouted at her, trying to scare her.

"Okay, let's go to the safe, '6ab-free tent please!" She squeaked.

7amanni and I laughed, "Mahoooy, veggie burger or chickenn?" I asked

"Veggie please"

"okayy,"

7amanni and I walked towards my car, I looked up at him randomly and smiled.

As soon as he saw me the smile spread across his face, "what are you thinking about?" He asked.

"I'm glad you're friends again, adri ligafa hehe, bas madri! 7adda I was khayfa his raas would remain yaabis and he'd just flip off and stay pissed 6ool el wagt!"

"He's a good guy," He replied, "Thank you," he stopped walking.

"Shda3wa, for what?" I replied, standing infront of him, facing him.

"For helping me out," He said, as he leaned closer, our eyes didn't lose contact for one second, it felt as if he could look into my soul, this must be what it felt like to be high on drugs. His face kept coming closer and he put his hands on my back, pulling me slowly closer to him, I let him pull me as close as he wanted. It felt so right. It felt perfect. I pursed my lips together, and as soon as our bodies touched, I closed my eyes.

"He's going to kiss me!" I thought. As soon as I had that thought I had realized that my lips missed his and that we were hugging. Oh well, good enough!

Picking Up The Pieces (9)

2009-04-17T20:46:00.003+03:00

This post is dedicated to Sexysoursweet ;** 7abeebti! Hope you work everything out!

_________________________________

"Umm.. Maha, can I talk to you barra for a second?"

From the look I gave her she realized something is wrong and quickly got up and followed me outside the room.

"What's wrong babe? Who texted you?"

I was too shocked to try and talk, I handed her my phone and stood there, staring at her face as she realized who had just texted.

"Ay shay? What're you gonna text back?"

"I don't know... Should I text back?"

"Yes! Come on! It's obvious how hung up on him you are!"

"I know but, I can't trust a guy that does things like that to people and just expects them to be okay with it!"

"I'm not saying marry the guy yal habla! Just text him back and see where it goes from there!"

"What if I don't want it to go anywhere from there?"

"Then just don't text back honey, but make up your mind and don't do anything you'll regret,"

"But madri, I.. ufff this is so yukh!"

"Shatha honey, it's not yukh, stop thinking about what he did, stop thinking about 7amad and I, just think of these past months as if it was any other guy in the world and not 7amanni, the only thing you have to think about is whether or not you want him back in your life, him as a person, not him from what he did, people change. And no matter what you decide, your decision shouldn't be influenced by what you think 7amad and I will think, ok?"

"Inzain bas shda3wa kel hatha 3ashan arid 3ala msg, 7addi drama queen hehe" I joked, trying to lighten up the mood. "I'm gonna call him, I'll be right back, ok?"

"Seriously? Uff I rock."

"And you know it" I winked and made my way downstairs heading to the garden. As soon as I opened the gate I called him.

6oo6 .. "Aloo?"

Wow that was fast.

"Umm... 3abdelra7man?" I asked, knowing already that it was him.

"ee, hala Shatha shloonich?"

"Umm 3abdelra7man I called for one reason bas so please let's not start with the pleasantries."

"Oookay.. Tefathelay,"

"Baghait shay?"

"E9ara7a ee,"

"Mmm, khair?"

"Bas baghait as2al 3annich,"

"After all that time, al7een marrait 3ala baalik w baghait tes2al?"

"Ee?"

"Okay, ana il7amdilla zaina. Anything else?"

"Yes,"

"tefathal."

"Shfeech mnafsa shda3wa?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "ahahaha! Shda3wa???"

"Ee shda3wa?"

"haha inzain, damik 5ala9t with your stupid questions 3an ithnek sir 3abdelra7man I'm going to hang up, and please don't contact me again."

"Shatha shfeech entay? After all this time tkalmeeni bhal 6aree8a lamma as2al 3anich?"

"Go think about why we haven't talked all this time w ba3dain come text me again,"

"And you think I haven't been thinking? I've been thinking everyday, I lost my best friend and a girl that I could've had something great with shatha! I know I made a mistake and a very big one. Wallah Shatha mali wayh adezla msg wala akalma. I contacted you li2anna thinking about what I did is killing me, he was the closest person to me and I did that w I'm paying my dues, trust me, just please don't shut me out of your life because I won't stop until I get you back into mine. I know I have a lot to do and I know I won't gain anybody's trust by just sitting around, so please Shatha just give me a chance... " He pleaded. A single tears streamed down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, I have to go..." I hung up and ran inside, straight to my room. I pushed the door open and stood there in the door-way. As soon as Maha saw me she knew something major happened, she got up and hugged me.

"Everything ok sweetie?"

"Yeah yeah, just have a lot of thinking to do,"

"Spill!" Jana shouted from behind Maha.

"Ee I wanna know sh9ayir!" Jood added.

I went to go sit on my bed and told them everything, from start to end.

"And I don't know what to do now..." I added at the end, "he sounded so sincere but he lied to his BEST FRIEND shdarani he's not lying to me?"

"6a3 hatheee! From what he said on the phone ilmaskeen sounds like he regrets it!" Jood said.

"Ee 9a7 I agree with her!" Jana said enthusiastically "Call him again!"

"I'm not going to call him again w tawnee gaylatla I had to go!" I said.

"dooda, banam wadeeni baiit" Dalal yawned.

"ufff ana laish yaybitich ma3ay!" Jood frowned at Dalal

"7aram 3alaich, wadeeha!" Jana argued, pulling Dalal up and letting her sleep in her arms.

"Al7een tnam w tetwahigain!" Jood said

"5al tnam you're dropping me off at home a9lan," Jana stuck her tongue out.

"Okay then gomay gabel la hathy pees on you!"

Jana held Dalal away from her clothes, "Yalla let's go!"

"Yalla I have to go too babe, a5af my car turns into a pumpkin when the clock strikes 10!" Maha got up to gather her stuff.

I walked the girls out and went straight up to my room. I lay on my bed and held my phone in my hand and started staring at it. Before I knew it I was typing up a message to 7amanni; Okay..

I put my phone down on my nightstand and just lay there, thinking. zii6 .. zii6 .. My phone vibrated, announcing a recieved message.

Strangerfromaplane<3
Okay what?

I hit the reply button and quickly typed; Okay.. I'm not that person that shuts someone out of her life when they ask for a second chance..

Strangerfromaplane<3
I knew you weren't =)

I quickly replied; Goodnight 3abdelra7man..

Strangerfromaplane<3
Tla7efay 3adel, sweetest dreams Shatha.. =)

Picking Up The Pieces (8)

2009-04-11T21:27:00.012+03:00

I sat on my bed, lifeless, almost numb, just thinking. It has been so long since I last saw him and talked to him. What makes no sense to me is that I never really spent any time with him other than the time on the plane, all I know about him are the things he told me about himself and as far as I know they could all be lies. Why I'm so hung up on him I'll never know. It hurts, being this hung up on him and knowing he doesn't feel the same way. It hurts a lot. He could've contacted me in any way, I probably would not have welcomed him back with open arms but he seems like a guy that would get what he wants no matter the consequence, if he wants it, it's his. Me being it in this equation.

I sat up, frightened, hearing someone open the door to the suite that leads to the corridor of my sister and I's rooms. I just froze there, I was originally home alone, who could be coming into my room? I stared blankly at my bedroom door for 2 seconds before it hit me; I have no protection. I opened the closest drawer to me and rummaged through it, I grabbed the only sharp object that cuts, nail clippers. I lifted it higher, weighing it to see if its heavy enough to bruise someone, at least. Yup. Good enough.

The door handle turned, I gripped the nail clippers harder, standing in the middle of the room, mentally picturing the karate moves I learnt during my tom boy days.

"JADAAAA!" Dalal shouted, running into the room and hugging my leg before I could react by as much as saying anything. Dalal is Joods 2 year old sister.

"Daloola? Haw mino yaybich hne!" I threw the nail clippers on the bed and sat down to be on the same eye level as hers.

"Dood!!" She replied excitedly, smiling and jumping up and down, her short brown hair jumping up and down with her. She was in a pink training suit.

"W wain dood 7abeebti?" I picked her up and stood in the corridoor

"Madwy?" She put out her hands, shrugging. Knowing how she takes advantage of every situation possible I knew I had to bribe her with chocolate to get an answer.

"A36eech kakaw goleela wain dood!"

"Otay, dood bil ... bil... bil 7ammam!!" She giggled innocently covering her mouth with her hands.

"Dalooollaa... 7abeebti... Wadeeni 7ag dood"

"otay otay loo7ay hnak!" She pointed back into my room.

"Daloooool...." I frowned at her, trying to scare her into telling me, no luck.

She started laughing, apparently my frown is funny. "Otay ehya ta7at ma3a rayaaal!" She giggled.

I grabbed my phone from the top of the night stand and dialed Jood's number.

6oo6 .. 6oo6 ..

"Joodo!!"

"SHATHOOO!!!" She shouted excitedly

"WAINICH!!! MITA YAITAY EL KUWAIT!!!!!!"

"LAST WEEEEEK!!!! AMBAYY MA KENT BAGOLLICH 3ASHAN I SURPRISE YOUUU!!"

"OMG!!! You're gonna stay for the first semester ma3ay???"

"Eeeeee shkither you 7annaitay so I'm gonna apply to GUST with you!"

"Amazing!! Kahi Dalool 3indi, wainich intay?"

"I'm ta7at in your living room,"

"Laish ma 9i3adtay?"

"Malikhelg, gilt I send Dalool to annoy you shway!"

"Aha ok byee kani," I said, putting Dalal down and held her hand, helping her down the stairs one by one. I opened the living room door to find Jood and Ritha watching tv and casually chatting. I couldn't help but wiggle my eyebrows at her when he wasn't looking. They never met, how they could be sitting there together like it was the most normal thing in the world I don't know.

"Ritha mita raddaiit?"

"Awal ma Jood yat, she was waiting outside maskeena,"

"She didn't call me 3ashan afichlaha il baab!"

"ee adry galat she was waiting for your friends?"

"I'm right here you know!" She stated, frowning.

I laughed, "Yeah, we know.." I turned around to Ritha. "Ritha, meet Daloola," knowing how much he loves annoying young girls I took Dalal to Ritha and went to sit next to Jood.

"Shimga3dech hneee?" I said with a low voice, wiggling my eyebrows.

"Wala shay..." She gave me a huge smile, flashing her mouth filled with metal. "We were just talking.." She blushed.

"Ritha 3an your ithin my brather but I have unresolved issues ma3a hathy" I pointed at Jood, "Itha you wanna leave just yeeb Dalal foog," He nodded and gripped Dalal's leg, raising it as high as his arm would let him, with dalal swinging and giggling endlessly upside down in the air.

Jood and I made our way to my bedroom silently. As soon as I got in I pushed the door closed and sat on my bed, "Spill!"

She turned into a deep shade of red, "Mako shay to spill!" She giggled.

"Jooodoooo!! I know you! I can read you like an open book golayyyy!"

"ufff inzain your brother is hott!!! Adri adri shifta in pictures bas il9ara7a iyannin, waina 3anny 6ol hal modda!"

I couldn't help but burst, I laughed so hard my eyes teared and my stomach ached. "My brother? Hott! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA"

"Agoool..." She was staring at me with a blank expression, "Chab!"

My phone rang, interrupting my laughter, I picked it up to see who was calling, Maha.

"Heyy youuu,"

"Hala!" She replied

"Open the door my darling we're downstairs!"

"Aiight kaani, Balla kint 6al3a, how come you guys di2iint tell me you're coming? I would've made food!"

"We bring our own food with us behbeh, we be cool like dat! Yalla ta3alayy byee"

Jood, being the lazy person that she is decided that I will be the girls "welcoming comittee" as she put it, and she will wait right where she is because if she moves one inch, she might die of exhaustion. She has an obese persons personality, yet she's so fit and tiny, how that is I'll never know.

I ran down the stairs, and opened the door.

"Hiiiii! OMG JANAAA" I shouted.

"Hala wallah! eeee JANAAA I thought i'd pick her up w ayeebha to surprise you," Maha replied while hugging me.

"eeee Jana!" Jana added, smiling.

"Heyyyyy!" I hugged her, "Jana I miss you!"

"I miss you more!" She wiggled her eyebrows and licked her lips.

"Janoooo! Ma midach ba3dich near the front door and you started!" I laughed.

"I want to get all the flirting out so then I can relax! I finished flirting with Maha in the car!"

"Yeah, she did." Maha rolled her eyes.

I laughed while Jana stood there staring at me smiling, Jana has short brown hair. She's short and as cute as they come, and also looks like a 13 year old.

"Yalla let's go upstairs, bas khal ashoof Dalal w Ritha wain ra7aw awal,"

"okayyy," they both replied at the same time.

We went to the living room and they weren't there, so we walked around the house and we still couldn't find them. I went back to my room, ignoring the pleasantries everyone was saying to eachother I grabbed my phone and called Ritha.

6oo6.. 6oo6.. 6oo6.. 6oo6..

"Haw! Shfeeh ma yrid!"

"Mino? Ritha?" Jood blushed. 6oo6 ..

"haaa!" Came Ritha's voice from the phone, "Wainik!"

"Kaanna bil 7oosh, ri7na nishtree bareed!"

"Yumma Ri'6oo ma 3indek friends to go meet up with ga3id you hang out with 2 year old girls! Tara fi a name for people like you!"

He laughed, "chub rab3y bel ba7rain, my alternative to Dalal is mjabal wayhich!" He joked,

"Laish w shfee wayhi? Maleeq! Yeeb Dalool foog khal teg3ad ma3anna pleaseee"

"Inzain ee ana bamshee ba3ad kanna," He hung up.

"7mar 9akka bwayhee," I complained, sitting on the bed next to Maha.

"Biyee hnee?" Jood asked, flashing me her metal teeth again.

"ee biyee hne," I gave her a look "Sima3taw? Galatlikom??" I asked Maha and Jana.

"Galatlina what?" Jana replied quickly, widening her eyes.

"Awal ma 7a'6rat-ha Jood yat, dazzatly Dalool foog w g3idat ma3a Ritha ta7at," I gossiped, "They were "chatting""

"Noooo" Maha and Jana both turned to look at Jood, staring back at them like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"intaw shfeekom? tara 3adeee, besides, RE'6A IS HOT!" The same second she said that we heard a knock on the door "NO!"

"Mino?" I shouted, laughing, I knew it was Ritha from the knock.

"Ana," His voice answered back, he sounded like he was holding back a laugh. Maha, Jana and I couldn't hold it back we laughed so hard! "Dish! ahahahaha!"

He opened the door just enough to let Dalal in and left, not saying another word.

"Hiiii," Daloola ran in dragging a supermarket bag behind her

"Ta3alay 3a6eeni shino hatha!" Jood said, still a little red.

"Mabi, Rawan gal a36ee Maha!"

"o0o you hear that Maha!"

Maha sighed, "7abeeebiiiiiiiiiiiii, since the 8th grade he buys me ice-cream! Iyannin ukhooch!"

"Agooool Mahoo w Joodoo, you're here for me! Mu u5uy, so snap out of it miyaneen, right Jana?" I turned to look at Jana, waiting for her to agree with me. Unfortunately for me, they were all too busy gulping huge chunks of baskin robins icecream. I grabbed icecream and a plastic pink spoon and dug in with them.

The four of us hung out, entertained fully by Daloola, Ziii6.. ziiii6.. My phone vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans announcing a recieved text message, I took my phone out and opened it.

Strangerfromaplane<3
Remember me?

I looked up at Maha. Help.

Picking Up The Pieces (7)

2009-04-06T19:05:00.006+03:00

Beeeeeeeeb beeeeeeeb!!

Mahas honking probably woke up the whole neighborhood. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around my head to cover my hair and as soon as I opened the front door I found Maha struggling to close her car door, carrying two supermarket bags, 4 drinks from starbucks, a small bag of Krispy Kreme donuts and her purse.

"Ulllla Ulla kil hatha mino byakla!" I gasped.

"Maybe when you come help me carry the bags and stop gasping like an idiot we'll figure out bidish b7alj ay wa7da feenna," She frowned.

"Ee ee sorry!" I grabbed a few bags from her, "Goodmorning sunshine!" I hugged her. Nomatter when the last time we saw eachother was, Maha and I always hug when we see eachother, its sort of a habit we grew into.

We walked straight up to my room, as soon as I opened the door I stood in front of it, as if guarding it from her. "Pretend you don't see the mess!"

She laughed, "Everytime I come into your room you say that, 7ifatht the line wallah!"

I grabbed the clothes off the rocking chair and hung them up in the cupboard, knowing that it won't be vacant for long, dresses, jeans, shirts, bags, you name it, will be soon thrown on there. Maha sat down on my bed, putting a pillow on her lap.

"LET'S EAT! I'M STARVING!" I shouted enthusiastically, opening all the supermarket bags first. I caught a glimpse of the 2 redbull 6 packs. "Mahaaaaaa.... I shall love you forever!" I grabbed a can of redbull, gulped all it's contents all in one breath and collapsed on the bed, hugging the empty can. "Yum."

"haha i know, right! pass me one!"

I sat up and passed her a can of redbull, looking through the other jam3iya bag. "Yum turkey amreekana sandwich! oooo chocolate! OOO JELLY!!! BOO6AAAA6!!! AKILLL!!! ALLLAHHH!"

"Honeyyyy.... Shway shway? Maybe? Not all at once, we don't wanna go on a date with a food baby do we!"

"Ulla the date is at noon! We have time to digest don't worry! Etha we still digest, an hour before the date amur il jam3iya ashtreelna eno! It's disgusting bas 7adda abortion!"

"Awesome. 3ayal let's eat!"

We ate literally all the food she brought with her, with over-full stomachs, she sat on the rocking chair and I lay on the bed, we talked and talked and talked, and talked. Our conversations went from 7amad, to university, to m7ammad, to summer jobs, to what color my rug is then finally to 7amanni. Of course I would never bring him up again, especially with her, it was her choice of topic.

"mm shatha, I want to ask you a question, bas you have to answer it with complete honesty, pretend i'm not me when you answer it! Pretend i'm Jana or Jood or someone!"

"9ij how are they! 7adda it's been a long time! Madri 3an Jood since america, w Jana is nowhere to be seen!" I tried to change the subject, knowing she's going to bring 7amanni up.

"I don't know 3an Jood either but Jana's good, we talked ams 3ad! Anyways, back to my question!"

Damnit. "Ee honest, pinkie swear, what is it?"

"Well... if 7amanni didn't do what he did to ME but to someone else, would you have given up and never tried to contact him again?"

"Probably yeah, keep aside inna he did that to you. Bas the idea of what he did infuriates me, adri 7adda malgoofa bas I feel like he betrayed me in a way? Don't ask how, it makes no sense, it just feels that way, I mean, adri he didn't know you're my best friend lamma he "liked" me and all that but I specifically remember telling him 7amanni did something bad to a friend of mine and he said something along the lines of "ee he's not such a good guy", so it just.. Ugh madri how to explain!"

"Yeah yeah I get you babe.."

"Yallah we should start picking out outfits, it's 10!" I tried changing the subject again.

"Ok! You're wearing your birthday dress mal last year, remember it? The blue one!" Score.

"Mmmm mabi!"

"Mo kaifich! I love the dress on you w ma libastee ella once!"

"What are my other options?"

"You have none"

"Hatechu."

"You wish."

We changed our clothes, she did my makeup, I did hers. I curled her hair with the biggest curling iron I could find. Last touches; perfume, lip stick, and hand cream. By 12 we were all set, she called 7amad to ask what time they're going to be there and he suggested we go in seperate cars, that Mohammad picks me up and 7amad picks Maha up, I of course did not agree to that. It's cute that he wants time alone with her, but I couldn't get into a car with a complete stranger. Maha agreed even though it showed that she would've loved to go with 7amad. Sometimes I think she thinks everything is too surreal, that he's going to disappear any second now, so she wants to spend every waking minute with him, but he's not going anywhere, hopefully with time she will realize that. Thankfully we arrived at the resteraunt before the boys did.

--15 minutes later--

Maha and I were arguing about something that she swears she told me and I swear she didn't, obviously i'm forgetful, but not that forgetful! We were mid-argument when I realized that 7amad and M7ammad were both standing about two feet away from us, watching us argue.

I kicked her leg as soon as I realized, to shut her up.

"a77 yal 7mara!" She pouted, "You really are forgetful!"

"No yal habla!" I frowned.

7amad walked up to us, laughing. "7asafa it didn't get very physical!"

"what the hell mannn!" She replied, giggling.

"what the hell womann!" He mimiked her, laughing. "Shatha, m7ammad... M7ammad, shatha."

"Essalam 3alaikom," M7ammad smiled.

"wa 3alaikom il salam," I smiled back.

7amad sat next to Maha, giving m7ammad no choice but to sit next to me. M7ammad is tall, with fair skin, his hair is so soft it swayed when he sat down, big dark hazel eyes and camel-like eye lashes. I quickly grabbed my phone off the table and started typing a message to Maha: Damn our kids would be gorgeous!

She saw me typing so she quickly turned her phone to silent and kept it in her hand. As soon as it lit up she read the message, smiled and looked up to me, "I know, RIGHT!"

7amad grabbed the phone from her hand, "7atta w intaw together you're texting!"

She giggled, "ee, shift!" She took her phone back from him and put it back into her purse. I sighed, thanking god he didn't read the message. For the rest of the lunch date M7ammad and I barely spoke, everytime we caught a glimpse of eachother we smiled, but mainly we just sat there, listening to 7amad and Maha's conversations. It was very awkward, and the whole time 7amanni didn't escape my thoughts.

Picking Up The Pieces (6)

2009-04-04T12:05:00.004+03:00

--3 months later--

Things with 7amad and maha elevated from still trying to get used to eachother again to getting to know eachother all over again. They're now going on dates and his romantic gestures are never-ending. All she talks about is him. It's as if her soul crawled back and rejoined her body again, because I haven't seen this Maha in a very long time. The jolly happy enthusiastic Maha, this Maha is definately a keeper. She should always stay this way. 7amad is good for her, I'm glad I see that now.

I hadn't heard from 7amanni ever since I called to ask if he was, infact the one that caused all this hatred and agony. He hasn't called, or texted. I wish I could hate him, but I can't, I liked him too much to. I hate what he did, it disgusts me. I find myself sympathyzing with him at times, was he that desperate? Did he want what 7amad and Maha had that bad? To rid them of their own relationship because of it? I think about him a lot, he is a mistake I'm glad I saw before I made. My eyes are open now. No guy has ever affected me this much.

For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on, iiiii tuuurn to youuuuuu.. Christina Aguilera sang Maha's ringtone from my phone.

I answered, "Hey hun,"

"Hey intay! OMG! S! I'm with 7amad, we're driving around in his car" She laugh/shouted "You know what just happened!" She continued her endless laughter,

"shinoo?" I interrupted.

"Okay! So he has this friend!" She started. "He's so cute! He goes 3indech!"

"Okayy..."

"Well! He goes 3indech! It's a match made in heaven!" She continued even more with her laughter.

"Mahoooy!" I began,

"I know I know bas 7amad promised him! Wallah kasir kha6ry il walad he's so lonely a7essa!"

"6a3 hathy! Baroo7 arafij any guy elli he's lonely! Mahoo, tista3bi6ain 3alay 7abeebti?"

"Bala malaqa Shatha how long are you gonna mope around for! Please as a favor to me go on a date with him, just a date! If you don't like him then khala9, ma7ad byagh9ibich!"

"Ma7ad byagh9ibni ha?"

"ee I promise I'll shut up if you don'tlike him.."

"Okay fine, bas khallee double date! Magdar Maha he's a stranger! Don't even try talking me out of it!"

"Okay fine," I could hear her pouting over the phone.

"Stop pouting!"

"You suck!"

"Chubay yalla go talk to the dude w text me the deets 7uby, 3indi class! Salmay 3ala 7abeeb il galb!"

"Yooo9all ho! Byeee"

"Bye"

---15 minutes later---

My phone beeped announcing a recieved text message

Mahooytyy-Pooh;*
7amad gal it's better that we go for lunch! You're skipping all your classes tomorrow, fahma ;@ Madri waiiiin yet they didn't decide so i'm just gonna come pick you up we get ready together!

I quickly typed a reply trying to blend in with the girls so that the professor would not realize i'm texting; Inzain do we need to shop? Shbnalbis?

An instant reply.

Mahooytyy-Pooh;*
Nooo! I have your outfit and makeup and shoes all ready in my head! I'm making you over! Mo kaifech, chub! ;*

My reply: Fine, it better be something tight! lol :P

Mahooytyy-Pooh;*
LOL sluteena ;*

--The Next Morning--

For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on, iiiii tuuurn to youuuuuu.. I moved around in bed, trying to find my phone without opening my eyes. Tapping on every hard surface around me I still couldn't find it, I opened one eye, looking around. "Huff. Waina?" I said out loud, as if there was somebody else in the room with me. I gave up and lay back on my back, knowing it was Maha that was calling from the ringtone. I picked up the house phone from my nightstand, and dialed Maha's number 6ooo6... 6ooo6..

"Aloo.." I closed my eyes.

"WAKE UP!!!!!!!! OMG BA3DICH NAYMA! GOMAY YAL TAMBAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL" She shouted, I took the phone away from my ear. "WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP I WON'T SHUT UP UNTIL YOU WAAAKE UPPPPP" She started sing-songing.

"NOISE! NOISE! MAKE IT STOP!" I shouted back.

She started laughing, "inzain yalla i stopped yallah gomay babe"

"Okay, issa3a cham?"

"7am" She giggled.

"MAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Chub i'm gonna have to work on your eyes bas for two hours 3ashan you don't scare the guy! Yallah i'm leaving the house now, by the time i'm there you better have finished showering and dressing, or WALLAH me and 7amad won't come! tehehehehe"

"Ulla maha man abi anammmm!! Ta3alay in an hour!"

"Mo kaifichhhhh la hour wala digeega," I could hear her opening her car door.

"NO NO NO RIDDAY BAITICH!"

"I repeat, chub. Gomay. Yallah."

"Hufff. You better get me redbull AND starbucks!"

"I'm already on it! Yalla gomay shower so yamdeenna!"

"Fine yalla kani gemt bye!"

"byeeeee"

I quickly hopped into the shower, I love taking morning showers, it's the only time I get to think properly. I couldn't take 7amanni off my mind. It's been like this ever since the last time we talked and it's not something to be enjoyed. I washed my hair and body as quickly as I could, of all days, especially today I don't want to think about 7amanni. From what I've heard from Maha this M7ammad guy is one of the good ones. He studies at GUST, is graduating soon and apparently bride searching. Marriage is not something that is on my mind right now but I want to give him a chance, maybe he's more of a 7amad than a 7amanni. Only time will tell, inshalla all's good.

Picking Up The Pieces (5)

2009-04-01T16:27:00.010+03:00

"This," Maha turned around, pointing at 7amanni "is your 7amanni??"

Trying to ignore the fact that she called him MY 7amanni I nodded my head in response.

"Maha.." 7amad called her, but she simply ignored him, as if he wasn't there.

"Maha, trash speaks these days, 5al namshee." I grabbed her arm and walked, pulling her after me. "Just pretend you didn't just see him hun," I turned to look at Maha, she was dumbfounded, no expression on her face, not even breathing, silent tears started running down her cheeks. I stopped in the middle of the parking lot and gripped her arm harder so she would stop walking too. "Maha.... Breathe!!"

"Why?" She shouted "WHY! TELL ME WHY! ITS BEEN TWO YEARS! TWO GOD DAMN YEARS! I CANT I CANT I LOVE HIM! HOW COULD HE......." She fell to sit on the pavement and started practically crying her heart out. I sat next to her and hugged her as tight as I could, I had literally nothing to say to comfort her, because I knew anything I say would probably make it worse.

"Magdar... Wallah magdar..." She said, with a voice so low, if I wasn't hugging her I wouldn't have heard her. "Wallah w ras everyone dear to me in this life, Wallah a7ebba..."

"Wallah I know... I'm sorry... I really am..." Is all I could say.

We sat there silently for what seemed like hours, tears streaming down both our faces. People kept staring but I didn't care, Maha needs me, they can all go to hell.

"Maha??" I heard a shout from behind us, she quickly wiped her tears and shot up. As soon as I realized who called out her name I got up too, ready to bite his head off.

She stood there silently just staring at him as he walked towards her. "Maha," He started. I stood back, curious as to what he was going to say. 'kanat chithbat april, kiss me behbeh' is exactly how I thought he was going to apologize, but I was proved wrong.

As soon as he realized she was crying he quickly hugged her, she pushed him off and shouted "Shtaby minni!"

"Ma abi minnich shay! Intay mo fahma inna mabi shay minnich? BAS ABEECH INTAY!"

What the ----? No he didn't just say that! "6a3 hathaaaa!" I shouted, standing next to Maha. She was too in shock to even move a muscle.

"what?" she said, obviously on the verge of tears again.

"You heard me..."

"WHAT THE FUCK 7AMAD!!" She snapped, "YOU FAKE YOUR OWN DEATH TO GET RID OF ME AND YOU SHOW UP 2 YEARS LATER AND EXPECT ME TO RUN INTO YOUR ARMS??"

"Ha? What? My own death!! YOU LEFT ME!!" 7amad is a very calm person, he's so calm that even if he gets insulted or shouted at by someone he just laughs and rubs it off.

Maha started laughing, "Yeah and bugs bunny is a lion." She gave him the most evil smile I've ever seen on her face.

In utter confusion I said, "wait wait wait, 7amad, tista3bi6? You're kidding right? La please start shouting 9ADOOH,"

"Shatha please la tgi6een wayhich, ga3ed akalim Maha." He replied without even taking his eyes off Maha.

The second he said that I spotted 7amanni standing very far back and staring. "Maha baro7 ogaf ma3a 7amanni, talk things over with him," I shot a disgusted look in 7amads direction.

"ok," She replied, still staring at 7amad.

I walked over to 7amanni, "Shfeehom?" He asked, as soon as I was close enough to hear him.

"Shdarani," I replied "How do you and Maha know eachother?" As soon as I asked him that I realized how stupid that question was.

"Through 7amad, she never mentioned she has a beautiful friend named Shatha," he winked.

"Thank you," I chuckled, rummaging through my thoughts trying to think of something to say. I looked up, to find that Maha and 7amad started talking, finally. "Should we give them space or go save them from eachother?" I asked, knowing Maha would probably want saving right about now.

"I say save 'em!" He said with enthusiasm.

"ok," We walked up to them, they were standing closer to eachother than before I went to 7amanni.

"Mahooy, hun, you wanna leave?" She looked at me, nodded and started walking towards her car.
I waved bye to 7amanni, gave 7amad a final dirty look and followed her. As soon as we got into her car I knew she would barf out everything they talked about. It's Maha, she always does that, yet obviously this time I was wrong. She drove silently, didn't even say a word.

"Um.... Mahooy, hun shfeech?"

"Nothing," She gave me a fake smile and turned her face around to watch where she was going.

"Ummm, ok" I let it go because she will tell me when she comes around.

She dropped me off at home, I ate like a pig and went online to check if Maha was on.

Shatha says:
Hey hun
Maha says:
hey
Shatha says:
hows uu?
Maha says:
fine, you?
Shatha says:
I'm okay, uff kalait so much @@
Maha says:
Bil 3afya
Shatha says:
Allah y3afeech hun
Maha says:
Shatha.. how much do you like 7amanni?
Shatha says:
Min your 9ij? Wayid, iyannin man! Why?
Maha says:
Well, while you were with him, 7amad and I got talking. He swears inna I left him and not the other way around
Shatha says:
AHAM SHAY! 6a3 hathaaaaa! 7mar chathab! Don't listen to him dude he's the plague!
Maha says:
no listen awal
Shatha says:
ookayyy...
Maha says:
When I "left" him he says I talked to 7amanni and told him I don't want him. And he said that 7amanni galla these exact words "She told me to break up with you for her because she doesn't feel that this relationship is going anywhere." Does that sound like me?
Shatha says:
No but 7amanni would never do something like that! He has no reason to! I'm so confused :-S Shilsalfa! Do you believe 7amad?
Maha says:
yes
Maha says:
Min awal I knew inna 7amads younger brother is closer with 7amanni than he ever was with 7amad. He would've done anything 7amanni asks him to? I get a call from the brother saying 7amad died, and 7amad gets a call from 7amanni telling him I don't want to be with him anymore? ME doesn't want to be with 7AMAD, are u getting me now?
Shatha says:
ee hun but how did you guys come to the conclusion inna 7amanni did all of this?
Shatha says:
W why would 7amanni do all this to start with? He has no reason to, doesn't he?
Maha says:
Shatha, put one and one together babe... Remember 7amads friend that I used to tell you about? 3abdelra7man? The one I told you is either gay or is interested in me?
Shatha says:
:| NO. WAY! Ambai how did I not see that connection! So 7amad thinks ena 7amanni was interested in you so he did this to seperate you two?
Maha says:
Madre, it's the only thing that makes sense...
Shatha says:
Inzain w did 7amanni try and make a move?
Maha says:
No but after 7amad "died" he called a lot to "check up on me" but I didn't really give him the time of day because he reminded me too much of 7amad
Shatha says:
mm.. Inzain confession, I saw 7amad at the airport when I was coming here, lamma I met 7amanni, 7amad was with him.. Sorry adri 7addi 7mara for not telling you bas I thought bas mentioning him would kill you so I just kept it to myself
Maha says:
I figured hun, they always travel together
Shatha says:
In the airport 7amanni said something along the lines of "7amad is a bad guy" to me how does it make sense? :-S I don't get it!!!
Maha says:
It makes NO sense..
Maha says:
I think i'm breaking up a life-long friendship... And it doesn't feel too good, even if 7amanni really did do all these things..
Shatha says:
Min 9ejjich?
Shatha says:
If this is all true, and 7amad really is in this situation elli he pretty much has to pick intay willa hathak w he picks 7amanni then I will cut his nose off and staple it onto his forehead for you :) If it's true, 7amad and 7amanni should NOT be friends. brb
Maha says:
wain ray7a? dont tyt!

I picked up my phone and scrolled down my contacts' names, searching for 7amannis.

Outgoing call

Strangerfromaplane<3

6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. "Aloo.." Answered his croaky sleepy voice.

"7amanni, I have something to ask you and please answer in all honesty" I shot quickly, before he starts with the formalities.

"Mino intay awal?"

"aham shay, check my name on your phone."

"Oh Shatha, hala wallah"

"feek. So, may I ask?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"If I as much as ashik you're lying i'll hang up and delete your number qasaman billah! Le2anna this thing that I want to ask you is a very big deal to me."

"okay shoot shfeech?"

"Did you break Maha and 7amad up? Please. don't. lie."

"7amad and now you..." He replied, as calm as ever. "Yes I broke them up, I was interested in her. It's not as if they were going to end up together anyway ya3ni?"

"Ok, mashkoor. Have a fantastic life" I hung up.

Asshole.

_________________________________

Thank you Thank you Thank you kilkom! I love you guys to bits and pieces, wallah you made me feel so much better! Thank you ;****

Picking Up The Pieces (4)

2009-03-30T21:22:00.004+03:00

You guys :( I'm not getting the feedback I used to get 7ag the lostb2amreeka story w im starting to think i suck w u all were just interested in the fact tht its in america w thts why everyone was reading? If it sucks golooli ill stop wasting my time n writing n stuff wallah 3adi i take criticism well, I think? Madri anyway 7atta nobody is commenting 3ala ramblings w it sucks :( shfeekom kirahtoony marra wa7da? :( Okay enough dala3, I'll leave you with another post for il stupid story, enjoy! Or not, kaifkom -.-

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A week of living in Kuwait. Also, a week of thinking, breathing, and thinking again about nothing but 7amanni. It has been exhausting. We haven't talked since we said goodbye in the airport. I know for a fact he has my number, and I also saved his, but I haven't grown the balls to text or call him yet. I came up with the conclusion that he has forgotten all about me and dialed Maha's number quickly to share my thoughts.

6oo6... 6ooo6.. "Mahoooy!" I almost-shouted, pouting.

"3yoonha!" She replied excitedly.

"Ana mit2akda yikrahni!" I exaggerated my pout so that my face looked like a fish

"Raddaina?" She sighed. "Don't make me come to your house and kick your non-ass!"

"Sh7aarich ib my ass! Huff. Maha, sbooo3! w ohwa elli 6aalib my kuwaiti number so amoot w a3arf shlon he forgot I exist!"

"Okay I know sweetie but stop being a drama queen, he's probably just very caught up with his family and catching up with his friends and whatnot, don't over-think everything babe! W i'm sure he's staring at his phone every night waiting for a message from you too!" She taunted.

"ee but..." I fished my brain for another reason to bitch about my situation, nothing. "but..."

"chub and get dressed, love youuu!!!"

"love u more, hmph. 6el3ay now 3ashan ma nit2a5ar! I'm SO hungry my stomach mo rathy yaskit! DOOSAY!"

"Yeah your stomach always won't shut up. Then you don't finish ur food, mo kaifech today! You're licking il plate ba3ad!"

"Right now, I'll aakil the plate!"

She laughed, "yalla kaani 6ela3t, you better be downstairs waiting for me when I get there!"

"The house faathy, just come up!"

"No mabi adish! Nizlay, fahma?!"

"Aiiight byeee"

"byeee"

Maha and I are going chocolate bar. I've never been there and apparently it's a must. Everytime anybody says chocolate bar I have a mental image of myself dipping my arms into a huge bowl of melted chocolate and licking it all off. Weird imagination I have. I brushed off the thought by changing quickly into my jeans and purple long-sleeved dress and shaila. Dabbed on a little concealer and I was set. I grabbed my bag and threw the things I needed inside and ran downstairs at the sound of Mahas honking. For a very patient person she's very impatient when it comes to getting somewhere on time.

"Kaaani kaaaani yaaaayaaaa bassich hernaaat!" I shouted as soon as I opened the front door and grabbed my keys out of my bag, locked the door and ran into Mahas car, trying to dodge the rain. Unfortunately for me it was impossible to dodge every rain drop that fell on top of me.

She sighed as soon as I got into her car, "I love the rain!" and melted into her seat.

"Yeah? Well it loves you too" I frowned. "Drive! La your family reads about a girl that was eaten by her best friend in tomorrows paper!"

She giggled, "At7adach takleeni a9lan!"

"Dude! Ana at7adani! I'd probably start munching on my fingers even before considering eating you!"

--At C.bar--

"Inshalla ma y6awloon until they get my food!" I said, crossing my legs onto the sofa. "Pink pasta sounds colorful!" I widened my eyes.

"hahaha! Awal marra I see someone that goes chocolate bar and orders NO dessert!"

"Shtabeeen! Lo beedy awadeech bait yaddity nibla3 machboos! Mo ga3deen w ma nigdar nibla3 mithel il awadem hne! Wallah I can never get used to how dressed up everyone is here, Kuwait bkoberha fashion show! Widdi I find someone looking like crap, I'd hug them I swear!" I almost-shouted.

"Says the girl in a purple dress..." She replied, staring into space

"Shfeech sar7aaana?"

"Salamtiich just thinkiiing,"

"About...?"

"Madri, oo foods here!" She pointed at the waitress. As soon as my plate touched the table, I grabbed the tobasco bottle and took off the lid as fast as I could, flooded my plate with it and filled up my mouth so much that I had to cover it with my hand to chew. As soon as I realized the temperature of the pasta I chewed as fast as I could to get it away from my burning tongue and gulped everything in my mouth all at once.

"A7777777!!!!!!! 7AAAR! LSANI IN9ELA5!!!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA" was the reply I got. She might as well have rolled on the floor and laughed some more.

I frowned, "I'm glad burning myself amused you, baroo7 bathroom hun i'll be right back,"

I got up, unaware of the people around me and with one thing in mind, to rinse out my mouth. I'm staring at my feet as I walk and BAM! I walk into a guy. Juuuuuuust perfect. I look up, with the word "sorry" at the tip of my tongue to find that I have walked into 7amad. "Oh, inta." I pass him without saying another word only to find 7amanni right in front of me. No. Freaking. Way. Im. Freaking. Possible.

"Shatha?" God, I forgot the sound of his voice.

"Hala 7amanni shloonik?" I replied instantly. That second it hit me, I didn't tell Maha that 7amanni and 7amad are friends. She absolutely CAN NOT see them!

"Ana bkhair, entay shlonich?"

"tamam, listen, I gotta go, see ya!"

I hurried off to go back to C.bar, where Maha was staring at her fries, obviously her mind was somewhere else.

"Maha, let's leave.... I'm not feeling c.bar anymore,"

"Whyyy! We just got here!"

"Bas mahooy 5al na6lib BK at your house or something, khal namshy please!" I grabbed her arm and yanked her up, "Yalla, please bsir3a!"

"Inzain let's pay awal ni6ray!" She had a worried look on her face, oh god, this isn't going to end well. I yanked a 20Kd bill from my wallet and threw it on the table

"Yallah!"

"oookay... Are you okay? Cuz you're acting insane..." She gathered her stuff and followed me out of C.bar only to find 7amanni and 7amad standing right outside.

ohhhhh shit! I hooked my arm with Mahas and pulled her in the opposite direction as to where they were standing. "Yup fine, bumped into 7amanni,"

She unhooked her arm and gasped, "7ILFAY! Shfeech you're eager to leave 3ayal! Details! Now! What did you say? What did he say? Wait! Wain ray7a? My car il 9oob il thany," she started walking right towards them. And with my luck, she looked up, staring at 7amad. Oh god noo laish ma yikhtifi hal insan!

"7amad?" She gasped, staring right at him.

"Maha?" 7amanni gasped, staring right at her.

"7amanni?" I raised an eye-brow, huh?!

Picking Up The Pieces (3)

2009-03-23T11:25:00.004+03:00

"inta erfeej u5uy...? Ummm, t3arf wa7ed isma Ri'6a Al-Flani?" I asked, knowing the answer to that already.

"ahhaa... fehamt... entay e5ta?"

"ee.." I giggled, "what are the odds, eh?"

"ee wallah... i'm supposed to keep a look out for you, is it the first time you travel alone?"

"barely," I replied, still giggling. "I study hne bas barid for il9aify adris bel kuwait, eheh, my family are just way over-protective"

"Mashalla with good reason, goodluck with your studies," He smiled, before I could reply he continued, "they're boarding the plane yallah meshaina?"

"ee yallah..."

Without even getting our drinks from starbucks we just headed back to the gate. I couldn't help but feel like an elf walking next to him. He was towering over me, he has atleast 20 cm's on me. Things became quite awkward after he realized he knows my brother. He took my passport and all I had to do was follow him around like a dog on a leash. I felt very uncomfortable with him doing everything but carrying my purse for me, and if it wasn't red I wouldn't doubt that he'd have taken it from me. The pilot flying the plane was his cousin, so he pushed us from business to first class . 7amad was left by himself at business, I was very grateful for showing 7amanni that I'm Ri'6a's sister, for it pulled him and 7amad away; There were only 3 empty seats in first class so we had to sit next to eachother, 7amad, 7amanni and I. But for a mit7ajba I couldn't agree to that so he told 7amad that he couldn't leave me alone. I could sense 7amads annoyance but pretended like I didn't realize, sitting in front would give me more time to get to know 7amanni. He seems like an interesting person and the fact that my brother trusted me with him says that he is a very good man.

From our flight I learnt that he is studying Architecture in Arizona, he is graduating next year. He's 21, the youngest of his siblings, and a son of a shaheed. One thing I also realized is that he is 9ej rijaal. The kind of guy that if you're in any sort of trouble you know you can count on. The kind that if you mention you LIKE something or are in the mood for something, the next day it's there infront of you. In short, the kind of man that ANY girl would love to be with.

--4 hours into the flight, in the midst of our conversation--

"Shatha, aasif baga63ich bas bughait as2ilich something, bas I don't want to push it."

"La shda3wa? Tefathal..?"

He sat up and cleared his throat, "Bas bughait as2al shloon t3arfeen 7amad?" I would be lying if I said I didn't see this coming, "Ya3ni 7amad insaan 3azeez 3alay bas ham ana a3arfa a6ba3a, w intay imbayin 3alaich mo min il noo3 elli... ya3ni..."

"Ee fahma qa9dik," I interrupted. "I know him through my best friend, ma a3arfa personally, bas emkalmita marra aw marritain gabel ilyom," That wasn't on any level a lie. I never liked 7amad when Maha was with him. I knew how much their relationship meant to her and how much she cherishes, and reminisces over those days but I never thought he was good enough for her. Of course, she thought the only reason for that was because I think too much of her. It wasn't. In return of disliking him, I never really cared for talking to him or making a ny contact with him unless necessary. "Let's just say he hurt her, and I carry the hatred she's supposed to have for him around." For the first time in the long conversation silence overtook. It was so awkward. For nearly all of the rest of the flight we either sat in silence or slept. With an empty seat in between us I was assured I wouldn't fall asleep drooling on his shoulder. Before I knew it I dozed off and had dreams about the randomest things. I was given a white car as a gift by my brother Ritha, then I saw 7amnni and I walking on the beach, hand in hand, smiling and laughing, then a snake slithered from between us and I woke up instantly frightened.

I don't even know the guy and I'm having dreams about him? I looked around and he wasn't there, I figured he went to 7amad and lay my chair back and fell back asleep. Next thing I know...

"Shatha... gomay.." He was nudging me, "Shatha we9alna lekuwait..." he was almost whispering. I could hear his voice, 'Its just a dream...' I thought, thinking it was a dream I remembered my previous dream at the beach."7amanniiiiiiii... EL 7AYYA BETYEE BAINNA!!!" I jumped up, startled from having the exact same dream again. I didn't realize what I just shouted. I could hear his and 7amads laughter echoing from the plane. HUH? Shfeehom yath7ikoon? When it hit me, I got up and shoved the people out of the way and made my way to the bathroom. 7amad and 7amanni were so absorbed in their laughter, it went on for a while. I felt so stupid.

Half an hour later I left the bathroom when I heard a stewardess knocking on the door. Forgetting that he had my passport, I just didn't want to see him because of my embarrassment. How could I not realize what I was saying! God damn I will never sleep on a plane again! I saw him still in his seat, waiting for me.

"Um.. How come you're still here?" I asked, nervously. I hoped to god he doesn't bring up what happened earlier again.

"I'm waiting for you, shlon aheddich bro7ich?"

"shda3wa... You could have just left my passport on the seat.."

"Well, I also wanted to apologize for laughing earlier, it was uncalled for... But you should've seen your face!"

"Um... 7amanni I don't think we've gotten to know eachother well enough yet to be okay with making fun of eachothers embaressing moments, or laughing at them.." I could feel tears stinging my eyes, I knew I was over reacting but I couldn't believe that he laughed at me and had the guts to bring it up with me right after.

"I'm sorry I really didn't think it was that big a deal? Maybe you're over reacting a little bit? Besides, even without knowing you for a long time, I know enough, and I can tell you just by observing you in the past day that I know enough to say that you are one of the sweetest people I have ever met. You seem like a genuine person and if you were anybody else I wouldn't even consider breaking your brothers trust by saying that I'd like to get to know you better..." He was still sitting down, facing me. I was standing up infront of him. And well, speechless.

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I didn't check if I made any mistakes, etha a7ad liga6 something point it out please! First comment place reserved for Lilo!

Picking Up The Pieces (2)

2009-03-21T15:55:00.006+03:00

Different leagues i love you more ;* w love your story!!! *sigh*

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Incoming call

Mahooytyy-Pooh;*

If I answered her call I knew I would definately mention 7amad. Whether I want to or not is not related. I have just never ever been able to keep anything a secret from her. I waited for her to hang up and typed a message: Mahooy 7abeebti i'm on the plane i'll call you lama o9al lekuwait;*

I hate liars, unfortunately right now I have to be one.

One hour until boarding, 7amad and his friend, who I have learnt is named 7amanni from sitting across from them waiting for the passengers to board the plane. Everytime I move or look up from the book i'm reading, 7amad looks in my direction. I got up to go get myself an espresso from starbucks. I could feel someone following me, and I'm positive it's 7amad. I stopped and turned around suddenly, to confirm my suspicion. 7amad and 7amanni were both following me to starbucks. As soon as I stopped they both did as well. La2 mo ashkara chithi! Hatha ya3ni ma yadri ana mino? Shfee oma! Infuriated, I walked up to yell! This was it. Baasa guwy 7mar jileel il 7aya lah wayh ba3ad! I stood right infront of them and gave 7amad the dirtiest look I could.

"Inta 3iraftni ana mino, 9a7?" I snapped.

He was taken aback. "Shatha, if i'm not mistaken?" He smiled. 9ej yabi yen6ag! "Shatha, 7amanni.... 7amanni, shatha," he gestured to his friend.

"6a3 hathaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" I laughed, "Mo 9ij, you think I came here to meet your friend?"

When Maha first saw that 7amad was alive, well and .... engaged, she didn't even talk to him. ever. Not even to let some steam out. So, I took the liberty of doing that. I called him up, yelled, shouted, threatened, and yelled some more. He of course didn't even bother responding to my threats and shouts. All he said was, "haa, khalla9tay? 6alla3tay elli bgalbich?" To which I replied "Ee el7amdilla I feel much better." And hung up. That was the last time I talked to him, and I never told Maha I did that. There was no reason for her to know, and she loves him unconditionally, so she would have told me that it was not my place. Of course that's when I would've stopped her and proved to her that it is my place, she is my best friend. He needed a line to be drawn for him. What he did was unforgivable.

"ee la7atht you kept staring at him," he smirked. I turned to 7amanni and he had the same expression on his face as I did, the one that screamed 'WTF?'

I turned back to look at 7amad, laughter burst out of my mouth, "aaahahahahahaha 9ej ennik ma tghayart.... ahahahahha... agoool la t9addeg 3omrik, shtabon la7geeni?"

7amad just smiled, "shda3wa la7geenich? Gemna nroo7 starbucks before they start boarding the plane." I blushed, embarassed.

I turned to look at 7amanni. "Essalam 3alaikom, this obviously isn't your fault and I apologize for coming off as a monster, cuz like ygoloon first impressions matter bas it's not like i'll ever see you again so that works in my favor" I joked, in an attempt to make light of the situation.

"laa shda3wa," he smiled, "Not a complete monster la t5afeen" he stuck his tongue out.

I couldn't help but to internally laugh out loud. The way he talks is so cute! I could jump on him and pinch his cheeks! 7amad randomly walked off leaving 7amanni and I alone.

"w how're you so sure you'll never see me again?" he continued.

I internally sighed, damn. Is this him flirting? God i'm so bad at this! I'm a chicken, I never flirt in real life, only in messages or on the phone.

"I just am" I giggled

"ahhaa," he smiled, and took his sunglasses off. "You look very familiar"

"Really? You don't.."

"Yeahhh... Which highschool did you go to?"

"ulla" I laughed, "Seeda jumping to highschool, I was in KES, you?"

"Ahaa.. I was in NES .. mmm... Ay sina t5arajtay?"

"2006? Cool, I know people from there!"

"Who do you know? Kintay tiyeen il carnivals?"

"ee.." I ignored his other question, the only person I knew in his school is my older brother, and I don't need a random hot guy knowing my full name. I stood there, looking at him, waiting for him to remember me.

"Wallah madri t9adgeen, akeed min ehnak, wayhech kellish mo ghareeb 3alay.." I could tell he was still trying to remember where he'd seen me.

"Ay sina t5arajt enta?"

"2004," he replied, still staring into my face, as if the more he looks at my features the closer he will get to the answer he wants. I wanted to shoot myself. When I first told my brother I was going to Kuwait he told me to send him my flight information, once he got it he mentioned that he had a friend with me on the plane, he gave me a number to call just incase. He also mentioned that the guy was a very dear friend and he trusted him. I took out my phone and searched for my brothers message. Once I found it I put the phone to my ear and called the number.

6oo6.. 7amanni's phone started ringing. What a small, small world.

Picking Up The Pieces (1)

2009-03-17T20:29:00.007+03:00

Okay, so first of all i want to announce my love for Lilo, adri wayid like I sound like i'm inlove with her bas like... if you know her, you wouldn't blame me! Stop glaring at me, i'm not a lesbian she's just awesome w makes straight people love her so much that it seems to be on the boundary of the lesbianism, but yeah... I'm not inlove with her... Sorta... Aaaaanyway moving on, my sister just stood waray and saw me typing she was like YOU'RE WRITING THE STORY I TOLD YOU ABOUT? with a huge grin on her face, what was her suggestion, you ask? Well, she wanted my next story to be about a school bus driver that is inlove with a student. In other words, a story about a pedophile, mita i shoot my sis? You name the time bas -.- Okay now second, here's my first post malat the new story.. Hope you guys like it!!

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"Excuse me ma'am, the plane is landing, wake up, you have to put your seat up-right..." I felt someone nudging my arm.

"Mmm yumma ma nimt 6ol el lail khaleeni artaa7 tekfain!!" I whined back.

"Ma'am," more nudging, "ma'am wake up." It finally hit me that this was not my moms voice. I opened my eyes to find the stewardess bent over, staring right into my eyes. She looked very annoyed.

"Sorry sorry!!" I sat up quickly, I was caught off guard, putting my seat in the upright position, "I'm sorry, I'm exhausted." I giggled, embaressed.

The plane landed at New York- JFK. I have always been secretly afraid of travelling alone to Kuwait via JFK only because my father had painted an obscene picture about JFK in my mind. "Bookich ib mo5batich ma t6al3eena!" He warned, "and your carry-on's, keep them in your sight at all times, fahma baba?!" When he and my mother came to the states a couple of years ago, they had all their luggage stolen along with $1500. I always found it a funny story and made fun of them. Karma is going to bite me in the ass. I know it.

I sat there waiting to board my other flight, ticket in hand.

BOARDING PASS

ALFLANI/SHATHAMRS

KUWAIT KU 0123
JFK AA 5683

I sighed, I'm going back after a hectic semester! Studying abroad isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. I love the independence; not having a maid and having to get up to get everything done, I love making my own decisions, I love absolutely everything about it but the only thing I hate is being away from my family and Besties; Maha and Jana. Maha- I can't begin to explain how much this girl means to me. I have never. ever. EVER. been this close to ANYBODY in my life. If one day goes by and I haven't talked to her I feel lost. Jana on the other hand, is a girl I have known for 4 months, yet somehow she has managed to be one of the closest people to me, I can't not tell her something that happened with me as soon as it happens and we text so regularly she's the most person I talk to everyday. My third bestie is definately out of the "i miss her so much" equation since we're room mates and always up eachothers behinds. Jood is the tiniest friend I have. She's loud and a little bit scary, but I love her. Our parents are very good friends and the suggestion for us to travel abroad together came from them. If it wasn't for her here with me, I'd have given up and applied at any University in Kuwait a long time ago.

Six hours of waiting ahead of me, I got up and walked into starbucks, wondering if I'd bump into any Kuwaities. The second I thought that, literally. I looked up to give the man behind the starbucks cashier my order only to find HIM infront of me. No. Freaking. Way. Hoping he doesn't recognize me I stood right behind him and I could as well have had my face buried in his back.

Him. This guy, I have spend the last 2 years hating him, for doing what he did to her. Hoping he doesn't recognize me did no good, I know if he talked to me or even tried to say hi or even look in my direction i'd snap at him. I turned around to walk away, staring at my feet as I walk, my heart was beating so fast. Thank god he didn't see me. The next thing I know I'm walking into what seemed like a wall. I felt a sharp pain on the top of my head and lost my balance.

"A777! Damn it!" I looked up with the most frustrated expression on my face. "Wija3!" I shouted without looking up to see who I walked into. 7addi thoula wallah! Is this Maha's clumsiness rubbing off on me? Or am I clumsy by nature? hufff. Does it matter? Laish I always find myself in these situations? I got up looking up at the man I walked into. I could feel the expression on my face changing. ya 7ilwah! Man. Please walk into me again. PLEASE! I stood there staring into his face like a puppy drooling over a bone. I might as well have saliva on my shirt. Ok, get a grip! "Asfa..." I mumbled, taking my gaze off his face. "Sorry I meant sorry, Arabic is in my default settings..."

He laughed. "Laa 3adee it's in mine too, sorry about that I was reading and walking, 3asa ma 3awart rasich? I think it dug into my chin," He was smiling now. Iyanin. He's one of those people with sweet faces, the ones you love from the first second you see them. The kind that make you smile to yourself.

"No it's fine eshda3wa" I giggled, my head was throbbing but I couldn't really say that now could I? Picking up my boarding pass from the floor. He gave me one more smile and looked right behind me

"7amad!" He practically shouted, "I've been looking for you 9arli 2 hours, telfonik laish ma6fee?"

Did he just say 7amad? GOD DAMN! He's friends with HIM! 7amad is Maha's ex boyfriend. He was the best boyfriend in the world to her, she was SO in love with him. Up until the point where he disappeared out of her life. Getting his younger sister to call Maha up and tell her he died put her in a very bad situation. She cried over him and did pretty much everything but slit her wrists for him. For two years as far as she knew he was dead. Even by that time she still hadn't gotten over him. One day a classmate was telling her about her new fiance, named 7amad Al-Flani. Of course, Maha thought he was dead so she didn't as much as consider the possibility of anything but this fiance and her 7amad shared the same name. After the classmate's engagement party, she brought the pictures of her and her fiance. That's when it hit her. He IS her 7amad. She showed no sign of hurt or frustration to her classmate and pretended like she saw nothing, after her and her friend finished classes, the friend mentioned that 7amad is picking her up. Maha saw that as a way for confrontation. As she mentally planned she walked her friend to his car. It was him alright. She quickly ran to her car as soon as she saw him, and as soon as he saw her he ran after her. That ended their engagement.

I'll never forget the day she found out. She was having such a good day, we were texting about how sleepy her professor made her as soon as she left class, and she mentioned 7amad's name-clones fiance. Then out of the blue she stopped texting and disappeared for a week. I shuddered at the memory and snapped back to reality.

McGorgeous and 7amad were still standing in starbucks and talking. I could tell that 7amad recognized me because he kept looking in my direction and turning around. Walking into his friend probably got his attention. Curse my clumsiness. I walked off to find a shop or something, anything to take my mind off how much I want to shout my lungs out at him. To ask him how and why he did those things to her. To get answers for her. Yet no matter what his reply would have been I knew no explanation was worth it.

28. Dear Nadine (Finale)

2009-02-16T11:31:00.007+03:00

I opened up the diary Nadine had bought me before I came here, it’s a diary that I had to write in often and tell her about everything that’s been happening with me here, she also bought herself one and is writing in it not so regularly, but I don’t mind, I get her updates as soon as anything new happens to her. Once I get to Kuwait we will switch diaries and read each other’s thoughts, adventures, and daily ramblings. This diary has been a safe haven for me, as weird as that sounds. Whenever I felt like I needed my best friend to help me out, or even when I just felt like I wanted to tell her about something in great detail, I’d jot down anything and everything I had to say. I love her for giving me this, for it has helped me through very rough times. I haven’t written in my diary ever since Fahad had left. I thought I would update her on everything that has happened since she’s in England on a business trip right now and we have barely spoken for two weeks.

Two weeks have passed, and I can honestly say that I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Malak and I have become very good friends, we went out regularly, and mom was very pleased with the idea of me being away from Bader and in the company of a girl. She isn’t very fond of me spending every waking minute of my life with him, now that I’m officially his fiancée. Mom is the opposite of everyone else, it makes me laugh. When Bader and I were practical strangers she was all for us going out and having a good time, but now that we’re engaged she wanted me as far away from him as possible, apparently now it’s suddenly ‘3aib’ to be around him.

As soon as Fahad had left the states I told Bader to talk to his parents, and they talked to mine and everything is now official. We haven’t set a date for our milcha since we’re both here and we apparently are NOT allowed to get married here, he has a big mouth. I’m truly happy with the way things have been going, I think about Fahad once in a while but I believe that I made the right decision. Of course I gave Bader a very hard time about the Malak situation and what he had done to her and I asked him to talk to her and tell her the truth about everything, they are not friends now and she wasn’t happy with him, but at least the truth is out in the open. I have come to find out that Fahad’s sister is Malak’s best friend and that is how he found out about Malak and got a hold of her.

Life is good. And soon, hopefully, it will begin to get better. Mom and I are going back to Kuwait soon since her treatment is over. Bader doesn’t like the idea very much since he has a whole semester ahead of him, but he has promised to come down to Kuwait whenever he gets the chance. We will have to do the long distance relationship thing.

I really miss you boo, me being here has brought us so much closer to each other, that’s ironic since we’re so far apart now, hehe. I’m listening to Energy – Keri Hilson and I’m crying. I heard this song at your house remember? And we both started tearing up because the words were so “uhh!” You were turning me into a fairy at the time so I probably looked like a crying clown at the time, haha we were so hyper that day, I can’t believe I let you do that! Well, you let me draw a beard and a mustache on you so I guess I got the better end of the deal haha. This is one of the final times I write in this diary, my remedy for everything ever since I came here has been this book.

One of the last things that I would like to say now is that this has been a good experience; I am so happy that I came here because I met Bader. In the song she says “How can two be as one?” and that question always did confuse me, I also wanted to know how but now that I have met him, I am reminded of how that is possible every time I look into his eyes. Bader has truly made my life here easier, as much drama that came along with meeting him I don’t regret a thing. I love him, I would do anything to make him happy, I would give up my eyes for him, I’d run into a fire to save him, even though I probably would end up dying with him cuz I imagine I won’t be able to carry him outside, haha. I am truly and unbelievably head over heels in love with him, I have found him; the one. I have found the love of my life. I have found the future father of my children. I have found my true soul-mate. I have found the man that will soon be my husband. I have found my Bader.

_________________________

This blog is dedicated to Lilo, thank you for all your help with posting when my laptop was broken and for naming my posts since I’m really bad at that, lol. I love u. Without you I don’t know where I’d be.

If I decide to write another story or anything I will let you guys know by posting about it on my other blog (Not so daily ramblings of Lilo & Stitch, I’m Stitch). I’ll be blogging there until then =D

Also, M I’m sorry that this post is very similar to your new story but I didn’t realize until I finished writing, love it btw. ;)

27. Final Confrontation.

2009-02-15T07:03:00.003+03:00

"Hmm, well, I have to make a call now, but call me and let me know where you want to go!" I replied, infuriated with Fahad yet trying to control my anger on the phone with Malak.

"Okayyyy," I could hear her flipping a page in a book "Talk to you laterr, call me wheneverrrrr" She seemed busy with her book.

"Okay, if you need anything la yridich ghair lsanich, bye"

"Thanks, that's sweet, Byee." Click.

Quickly I started dialing Fahads number. Knowing Fahad he would be expecting me to either call crying and sobbing about 'what Bader has done to me', or infuriated and shouting my ass off also, at Bader. Right now though, I couldn't care less of what he thought and expected! I. Am. Pissed.

6oo6.. 6oo6.. "Alo?"

"Fahad? Momkin I ask you a question?"

"ee tefathilay.."

"inta omik m6ay7itik 3ala rasik lamma kent yahel?"

He laughed. "Sh-hal so2al, najoomoo 3abaly 3indech salfa"

"La jad wallah, mayta ba3arf el nathala elli feek min wayn yaaya!"

"yah!" His tone of voice seemed annoyed now, "agool najoom gethbay lsanich 7abeebti"

"Ana agthib lsany lamma enta you grow a pair w twaggef your stupid games!" I snapped back, not even realizing what words were coming out of my mouth until it was too late to take them back.

Silence.

"khalla9tay? fa'6aitay elli bgalbich?"

I raised an eyebrow. I expected him to shout, or AT LEAST tell me that I haven't been raised well, I kept arguing with him in my head, and he gives up this easily? This blows. I didn't reply.

"Shaklich khala9tay, 5ala9 a6afy il phone? basna 9raa5 7ag yom wa7id? Diggay bachir kamlay 9ra5ich?"

"Why don't u go back to kuwait? Why are you here?!"

"I'm here for you!" His reply was almost a shout.

"I didn't ask you to be here for me! I don't need you!" I was gripping the phone so hard by now that it felt as if I was gripping the tip of a hill I was falling from, to save my life.

"You could have just said that Najoom! You really don't see that you've been giving me mixed signals have you?! One day we talk and text all day, then suddenly Bader bel picture w nesaina Fahad? MAKE UP YOUR MIND WOMAN!"

I was taken aback by his response, my voice was almost a whisper "Fahad... I already made up my mind, the morning Malak arrived me and Bader were supposed to be getting married…" I could feel the tears forming in my eyes but I don't want to cry. I will not cry one more time because of one of them. I never realized how much this situation is hurting Fahad. I don't want to hurt him.

"Najma, Bader didn't tell you a lot of things and I knew that, because I know you. If you knew about Malak and what happened between them you wouldn’t be here right now. I just didn't want to see you end up with him when you don't even know who he is!" He sighed, "I'm sick of this, mallait. I came half way across the world for you. To make you realize that I do want you, and I do love you. Tabeena kaifich, now you can't say I didn't fight for you.. Yalla ana maashy Najma barid lekwait ba3ad cham yom waray packing, tamreen 3ala shay?"

I couldn't reply, I didn't know what to say. Fahad, the guy I left because he didn't want a future, came to be with me, and I let him go. I refused to be with him. Even the thought of being away from him was impossible before. The mere thought that I would grow old with anybody else was unbearable. Yet now I have Bader, the guy that sweeped me off my feet. The guy I was willing to marry. The guy that gave me butterflies everytime I heard his voice. The guy that would do the impossible for me. I sighed. "Bas take care of yourself for me please..." I couldn't fight back my tears any longer. "Bye" I hung up, not waiting for a reply.

I called Fahad filled with anger and all I wanted to do was shout at him for being this stupid! However now it had sunk in. I had picked Bader over him, and I could see now that this has done to him. I never thought he needed me. I thought I hung onto him because I was weak and I needed him. I will never be with Fahad, but it’s okay. I made this decision, there is no reason for me to dwell. I dug my grave and now it’s my time to lay in it.

__________________________________________

I wanted to ask you guys shraykom ib blog Different leagues? Cuz I thought much more people would be reading it because it's awesome :( wainkom ya readers? You're missing out taraa :( a7ebkom<3!

26. Everything falls into place

2009-02-13T02:00:00.005+03:00

I switched the lights off, blinking, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I lay down on my bed, thinking of Bader, of what he had just told me. He was a coward, a coward that I happen to be in love with. How could he do that to Malak? The poor girl, two years and she still hasn't given up on what they had. She has grown a lot in my eyes, I didn't know whether to give her a hug for being this strong, or to slap her for not moving on. I can't focus, I need to know what he is going to do, will he tell her the truth? Or will he run away and prove himself a coward once again? I need to talk to her. As soon as I had my last thought I got up, switched my laptop on and logged in on MSN, knowing he was online waiting for me, I didn't bother with the formalities.

N says:
Give me malaks cell number plz
B says:
Why?
N says:
does it matter? I need to talk to her
B says:
she's online, here i'll add her..

M has been added to this conversation

N says:
hi malak
M says:
um, hey?
N says:
Sorry i know this may seem weird but I need to talk to you about something, may i call you?
M says:
Yeah sure, but i don't have an american line yet so just call the hotel and tell them to connect you to room 315 :-)
N says: Okay, calling now, thx :-)

B has left this conversation.

N says:
Shfee 6ela3?
M says:
Madree..

6oo6 .. 6oo6 .. "Hello?"

"Hey malak, first of all I'm sorry for being rude earlier ... It was unappropriate and uncalled for, I apologize..." I started.

She laughed, "I'm guessing he told you what happened with us?"

"erm... Yeah... I... Okay, this is awkward but, erm, would it be okay if we could meet up somewhere? I need to talk to you, i'm guessing you came here for sometime off not all the drama," I giggled, nervously.

"Actually, that would be amazing! Indeed I didn't come for the drama, hehe ummm how about shopping or a spa? To relax..." She sighed. "His friend told me he was lonely and needed the company"

"um.. his friend?" Knowing Bader I knew he didn't have many friends here, just a couple of them and they all knew about me. Weird.

"Yeah, I assumed he's his friend?" She continued. "He called from an american line, and told me that Bader was going through a rough patch right now and that I should come see him...?"

"Hmm, did the friend happen to have a name?"

"Yeah, I can't remember it.... It started with an F?" I could hear her clicking her fingers trying to remember. I didn't need for her to remember. I knew exactly who it was.

"Fahad?" I guessed, knowing I was right.

"Yeahh!!!! That's it! Fahad!"

25. The Ghost Of Mistakes Past..

2009-02-10T05:22:00.013+03:00

"Malak..?" I looked up at him, hoping for the best, knowing i'd get the worst.

"Najma I'll explain everything later I promise..."

"No, explain now please, mino malak?" I looked up into his eyes, tears stinging mine.

"Ma7ad wallah Najoom ma7ad, don't think the worst.."

"Bader, our whole relationship began with a misunderstanding, one after the other they came rolling in, so i'm giving you this chance to tell me who she is... If it was really ma7ad you wouldn't be leaving me right now to go to her" A tear rolled down my cheeks, I believed him. I truly did, but it didn't make this situation hurt less.

"She's my ex-girl friend, it's a really long story Najoom 7abeebti intay she needs me to pick her up, I have to go..."

"Ghal6an if you think i'm going to sit back and let u go bro7ik, she's not touching my man." I forced a smile and grabbed his arm, "Yalla let's get going, a5af y6ee7 ne9ha if she waits another second"

He smiled down at me, walking by my side "Thank you.."

I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow, "for what?"

"For not jumping to conclusions and for trusting me.."

"7abeebi i'm not done with u" I winked and blew him a kiss, getting in the cab. He got in and sat so close to me I could feel the heat radiating off his body. He started dialing her number,

"Don't tell her bayee with u" I whispered, I just wanted to see the look on her face.

He nodded. "Aloo? ... ee hala .. ee adri .. kani bel 6ireej .. bye" He hung up and silence filled the car. After what seemed like a 2 hour car ride we finally arrived at JFK. He called her again to ask where she is, he pointed indicating the way we're walking. I held his hand, he looked at me and smiled, knowing exactly what I was doing.

There she was. Malak. Damn she was gorgeous. She was the sort of pretty that made you stare. khara khara khara KHARAA! I mentally screamed. THE BITCH IS HOT! She had light brown hair, very light skin, big pouty lips, big eyes. Her face was flawless. She was skinny, model skinny, no curves skinny. As soon as she saw Bader and I, hand in hand, walking towards her. My grin grew, I was sure she knew I was thinking "HAH bitch. He's mine."

"Hello?" She was facing Bader but her eyes were on me.

"Hey," he replied quickly. I held his hand tighter. Silence.

"Umm, hey i'm Najma," I held out my arm to shake her hand

"Oh yeah sorry, Malak, this is Najma, my fiance" The color rushed out of her face, her mouth straightened, and her eyes popped out

"sorry? I didn't hear you... your what?" She started shutting her eyes closed and rushed to open them, as if she was forced to artificially blink.

"His fiance" I smiled at myself, take that.

"umm.. nice to meet you najma.. i'm ... i'm sorry.. I didn't know.." She looked at Bader, her face was truly mesmorizing.

Oh, crap! She's nice?? Damn it, I hope I don't have to make her feel better for being engaged to her ex. What am I thinking? Duh I don't have to. She let him slip away, her problem. I smiled "Don't worry about it, so what brings you to New York?" As if I didn't already know the answer to that.

"Well.. I.. Umm.. I came to see Bader, thought we'd catch up on old times."

"aha..." I looked up at him, this is awkward. I held Baders hand tighter, as if signalling him to say or do something.

"Yalla akeed you're hungry Malak, let's go get some lunch," He let go of my hand to take her luggage from her. When she wasn't looking I kicked him. khal tsheela broo7ha! 9ar 7ammali 3indaha? huff.

We walked in silence, once again. Bader found us a cab, I made sure not to get in the cab first, so I can make sure he doesn't sit next to her. He opened the door for me and she got in, rude. He sat up front and I sat behind him, leaning forward between him and the cab driver.

"Where to?" Michael the cab driver asked, looking at Bader. Bader looked back to ask us.

"Ma63am zaytoon?" I suggested, laying back on my seat.

He laughed, "Malak she means Olive garden, shrayich?"

Malak plastered what looked like a fake smile on her face, "Um, sure?"

"Fooga," He smiled at both of us, why's he smiling at her?! "Where're you staying?" he asked her.
"Hotel? Any one it doesn't matter with me.."

"What are you talking about you can come stay at my place"

"Bader?" I raised an eyebrow, la i7lif. la please 5alha tnam 3indek, at7adak.

He looked at me and turned around quickly to look back at her. "Ha shgeltay Malak? 3ashan we drop off your luggage before lunch"

Malaks eyes locked with mine, we sat there staring at eachother, "No, take me to a hotel please" She replied, I smiled at her. We stopped at a hotel, Bader checked her in and took her bags up to her room, while we sat in the cab waiting. It was awkward.

"Sooooooo..." The cab driver interupted my thoughts.

"Sooo.." I echoed him. He looked at me from the rear view mirror.

"Which ones the girl friend and which ones the ex?"

"She's the fiance and i'm the ex," Malak laughed, "apparently" she added.

shfeeha hathy?! "Apparently?" I raised an eyebrow

"mhmm" She stared out of the window, what was that supposed to mean?

Bader came back, on our way to Olive garden they were chatting, catching up. I put in my iPod earphones to drown out their talk with music. I wasn't really interested in anything she had to say. As soon as we arrived at the restraunt I got out of the cab and held Baders hand, making sure nobody mistakes them as a couple. Bader and I sat next to eachother, she sat infront of him. From the way they were talking it wouldn't be hard to imagine them back when they were together. I don't know how long ago that was, and I don't know why it didn't work out, but god it hurt knowing we didn't do what we started this day to do, exchanged my day, for this. I couldn't be angry with him, he didn't ask for this. A million thoughts filled my head up at once. I even began doubting how well I knew him, maybe her showing up is a blessing, so I wouldn't make the biggest mistake of my life marrying him? Ugh- Allah a3lam.

We ate, they talked, I threw in a few nice, cool, mmm, really's in there everytime he talked to me. She on the other hand acted as if I didn't exist, her confidence pissed me off. I felt so irritated, I couldn't wait until she was gone and I could be alone with him. I needed to give him a piece or two of my thoughts. Soon their date ended, we dropped her off at the hotel, and headed for the hospital. I tried my hardest not to bring it up in the car, and I succeeded. As soon as we got out of the cab and he tried to hold my hand but I moved away, he knew something was wrong.

"Najoom shfeech?"

"Give me an explanation, now. None of that mu wagta stuff, just tell me. I need to know everything."

"Okay.. We met in highschool, she was my highschool sweetheart. We were together for a long time, I lost count cham sena wallah.... Everything with her went great.. Until.."

--Flashback 2 years.--
--Bader--

"BADE'3 GOOM" my little cousin ran into my bedroom screaming. "5alti tgool isa3a mit2a5i'3!!!"

"7aloom, 6el3ay barra" I snapped back, my little cousin was like a younger sister, she was always at our house since her parents are always travelling. I hate it when people wake me up with shouts and screams, unfortunately for me, that's the only effective way.

"5alti tgol la t3a9ebhaaaa" she warned pointing her finger at me "ta'3a el sa3a mit2a5i'3"

She ran out of the bedroom, giggling. She made me smile. I got up itching my stomach as I walked to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and headed back to my bedroom, pulled a shirt and shorts on. I grabbed my mobile off the table checking for missed calls or texts from Malak. She always woke up before me and sent me good morning messages. It was a habit she had, on some days her messages cheered me up, but lately, they just made me feel worse. I was falling out of love with her, and I couldn't tell her, I didn't have a good way of telling her after all these years, that's it. I don't feel the same anymore. I wasn't sure exactly when I fell out of love with her, all I knew is that I have.

1 Message.

Sender: Angel

Good morning sweetness ;* text me when you're up- A7ebbik!

Akh! Why does she have to be so perfect? How can I not be inlove with her? I have to tell her soon.

I texted back: Good morning malook, i'm up :-P

Soon. I repeated to myself and headed downstairs to eat, "mmm sh-hal ree7a el 7elwa?"

"ta3al 7abeebi ana bel ma6ba5" My mom replied, answering my next question.

She had a chair facing the kitchen counter and was cutting up the salad with a cup of tea next to her. I kissed her forehead "Essalam 3alaikom"

"Hala wallah 7abeebi, 9a7 el noom! Ma boghait teg3ad"

"ee kent sahraan bel diwaniya"

"intaw il riyayeel w diwaweenkom.. eee! Bader alf alf alf mabrook 7abeebi ismik 6ela3 bel jareeda"

"ha? laish?" I was confused. Why would my name be in the newspaper?

"8bilook bi3tha ya mama" She said, sipping her cup of tea carefully so she doesn't burn her lips.

I had forgotten about university, I didn't even apply for a scholarship, my father had applied for me, I certainly didn't want to leave the country. The idea wasn't that appealing to me. "Allah ybarek ib 7ayatich yomma," I kissed her forehead once again.

We continued having our usual daily conversations about what's new with our family, getting updates about all of my aunts one by one, and then ended the conversation with " Weeee nesait il 3aish 3al choola! Laish ma t-thakerni asheela??" As usual, she always forgot something in the oven or on the stove, and it was always my fault.

"Kil yom nasya shay 3al choola," I laughed "Yalla yomma 7abeebti ana mabshy tamreen 3ala shay?"

"Wain rayi7? In6ir a7e6lik '3ada, ma kalait shay!"

"Mani em6awil bas sa3a w raad,"

"inzain mor il jam3iya yeebly bai'6, basawwi cake ba3ad shway"

"inshalla," I shouted back, running up the stairs to get my car keys, wallet and phone. The whole time I was talking to my mom I had one thing on my mind. Malak. I couldn't think of a way to talk to her, or bring this up, but I had to atleast try to.

As soon as I left the house I texted Malak: Can you meet me at starbucks Mishrif?

Instantly my phone buzzed, announcing a recieved message that read: Sure, 10 minutes;*

I got into my car and within minutes I was at Starbucks, I ordered our favorite drinks and sat at a table in the far corner, waiting for Malak to arrive. Malak, this girl was once my whole life. I did the impossible to make her smile. She was and will always be my first love. Never have I met a person as pure and caring as her, how did I allow this to happen? I never thought of myself an equal to her. I always thought she was really an angel sent to me from heaven, as cliche as that sounds.

"Hey youuuuu" She was walking towards me and I hadn't even realized.

"Hala malook" Her beauty was undeniable. She sat across the table from me and grabbed her drink.

"Thank youuuu" She blew me a kiss.

"7ayach.."

"Shloonik 7abeebi?"

"El7amdilla bkhair, entay shlonich?"

"Tamaam..." She looked around, sipping her drink.

"Malook.. I wanted to talk to you about something.." I didn't know how to say this! Shagool? I don't love you anymore? I can't hurt her. I refuse to. At that exact second I remembered the news my mother had given me this morning, University. If this is what it takes. I sighed.

"hala..?"

"Well, I got accepted into NYU.." I started

"OH-MY-GOD 7ABEEBI MABROOK THATS GREAT!!!" She shouted, turning a few heads in our direction "oops" She giggled.

"Allah ybarik feech, but you know what this means, right?"

"ee you're moving to NEWYORK!!!" The same heads turned to look at us. "ooh! shyabon i'm happy kaifi hehe"

I couldn't help but smile. If only she knew why I was leaving. "ee.. Which means...?" I hoped she'd say it, so I wouldn't have to.

The smile suddenly dissappeared from her face, "Which means walashay, long distance works. I'm not giving up on us bas chithi." She raised an eyebrow, she looked as if she was trying to study my features.

As cowardly as this may seem, I can't do this to her. "Ee okay whatever makes you happy.."

---6 months later, New York---

My ringtone blasted from my phone, it sounded ten times louder than it actually was. I opened one eye to look at who's calling, Malak. I sighed.

"mmm"

"weeeee!!! sorry ga33adtik it's afternoon hne I forgot to check what time it is there!"

"La it's okay, what's up?"

"Walashay I just missed you,"

"mm Malak, can you call me later? It's 7.30am I'm really tired."

"ee sure 7abeebi, sweet dreams"

"Thanks, bye" Click.

I rolled around in bed, unable to go back to sleep. Hearing her voice just reminded me of these past six months. I lay in bed lifeless, thinking, remembering. I have been in the states for six long, uneventful months. The only thing going on in my life was University. Life was dull, no family, not many friends. What was going on with Malak, our situation is unbearable. I feel dead. I only came here for her, so I wouldn't hurt her. What have I done? Six months have gone by, and I still can't tell her these simple five words I don't love you anymore..

-----

"I turned my life upside down for a girl that I no longer loved. In her mind we are still together, I put on a smile and pretend. The point of coming here was so I wouldn't have to pretend any longer.." He sighed. "Time went on, her calls became less frequent. We talked from everyday to once a week, to once in a while, and now we barely spoke. Yet somehow in her eyes we're still together, and today she showed up... So you see Najma... I really didn't mean for this to happen..." His voice was so low it almost sounded like a whisper.

24. The Big Day?

2009-02-09T08:38:00.007+03:00

It's decided. I'm getting married tomorrow morning. I'm going in a casual outfit, no white dress, no kosha, no wedding. I lay in bed, thinking of the things I won't have, the things I dreamed of having on that one day. My one day. The day I thought about everytime I attended a wedding, always taking mental notes of what it should be like, and what my dress would look like and whether my hair would be pulled up or left to sway down my shoulders. Those little things, that would have made tomorrow perfect. In truth, deep down, I knew whether I have all those materialistic things didn't matter. I had my Bader, my knight in shining armour. He was more than perfect, more than what I asked god to give me in a husband. I giggled, when realization hit, that tomorrow I would go to bed and sleep in his arms. That for the rest of my life he would be my person. Nobody elses, mine. Till death do us part.

These thoughts flooded my mind all night. I couldn't sleep, nor did I want to. Soon it would be time to get up and change. Hours passed and I just lay there, lifeless.

bluu666 bluu666 blu6uuuuuuu6 My phone blinked, I quickly silenced the alarm in fear of waking up my mom. It's time. I was nervous, there was a knot in my stomach, and my whole body was shivering. I sat up on the side of the bed and smiled. Got up straight to the bathroom, I was so used to that routine that I hadn't even realized I was in the bathroom until I saw my reflection staring back at me. I blinked, am I dreaming? I washed my face with freezing water, brushed my teeth and walked back towards my bed, grabbed my phone and pressed speed dial Number 2.

6oo6 6oo6 .. 6oo6 6oo6 .. "mmm" His sleepy voice signaled the end of the 6oo6ing.

"aloo Badoor yalla eg3ad.."

"mm.. Najma?"

"ee 3ayal mino, yalla goom we're on a time schedule the shaikh is busy all day, remember? yalla 7abeebi get up"

"ga3deeni ba3ad 30 dgeega please najoom ma nimt 6ol il lail"

"Bader!" I huffed.

"3yoona..."

"gom please yallah 3ad"

"ok ok gi3adna.. amray ba3ad"

"ma y2amer 3alaik 3ado, yallah i'm gonna change please latrid tnam"

"la la khala9 gi3adt la t7ateen, i'll be there soon"

"okay, bye.."

"Bye" Click.

I stared at the outfit I had laying down on the chair. It had no white in it, not even a hint of it. My wedding day outfit. I finally realized piercing it with my stares wouldn't magically turn it into a beautiful white gown. I threw my clothes on. "Ugh makeup" I said out loud, I didn't know what is right for the occasion. "You can never go wrong with light and natural" I mumbled aloud almost sarcastically, grabbed my makeup bag and headed towards the bathroom again. I stared at myself in the mirror once more "Mrs. Bader Al-Flani..." I smiled, for the first time that morning. I applied my makeup and was happy with the outcome, after all, the black circles around my eyes were almost non-existant.

By the time I had done everything I needed to do before I leave to meet him downstairs I had a fixed smile on my face. I walked down the stairs as slowly as I could without not moving at all. I just wanted this day to last forever. The day I would be telling my children about. I wanted to take in every smell, see every detail, remember every second of this day. Finally, I had reached my last flight of stairs.

"I will be all that you want and get myself together because you keep me from falling apaart in all my life i'll be with you forever...." My phone sang me and Baders song, indicating he was calling. Without looking at the caller I picked up

"Haa Badoori wi9alt?"

"ee, zahba?"

"yeah kani 2 mins" I hung up and ran down the rest of the stairs, my smile growing with every step.

When the automatic ER doors opened I realized that not once did I think i'd be walking out of these doors headed towards my "wedding". I walked out. There he was, the love of my life, just standing there, his back to the cab and smiling at me. My stomach did a back flip. I walked towards him, "Hey youuu" my smile grew

"Baiiiih Najoomoo ba9abbi7 3ala hal wayh every morning ana? Ya 7athi! Min gaddy?" He said as he opened the cab door for me.

I blushed, rolling my eyes at him and giggling. "more like allah y3eenik!" I got in the cab and he shut the door closed. As soon as he sat next to me I rested my head on his shoulder. We sat in silence, so close to eachother, holding hands. His phone started ringing, he held it up to see who was calling, silenced it and put it back into his pocket. The expression on his face had changed completely, he looked annoyed. "Badoor, who was that? you okay?" I asked

"La bas ommi tdig, akalimha ba3dain" He forced a smile, I wish I had believed him, I wanted to, but I was sure it was not his mother.

"Umm ok" I managed to say, I let go of his hand and moved sitting closer to the car door.

"Shfeech?" he asked.

"La wala shay" I stared out of the window. His phone rang again, he still didnt answer "Rid 3ala ommik Bader 3aib ta7girha she's your mom" This was bothering me too much.

"Umm, la it's okay wallah i'll talk to her later, it's probably just my little brother"

"ok 3ala ra7tik" I mumbled, still looking out of the window, he moved towards me on the black leather car seat,

"najoom..."

"mm" I didn't turn to look at him

"look at me...?"

I turned around to face him, "hala"

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing hun" I kissed my finger and put it on his cheek, I realized I was being paranoid, and that I wasn't mad at him, I was just nervous.

He smiled "Yalla wi9alna" The car stopped right infront of a huge mosque. I got out of the car, walking towards the mosque on Baders right. This is iiiiiit! This is iiiiiit! I kept repeating to myself. When I walk out of the building I will be a wife. I could feel my breathing get much faster and my heart beats racing.

zii6 zii6 he recieved a text message. Opened his text message. Then stopped walking, and grabbed my arm. "Najma ..." He wasn't even looking at me, he was staring down at his phone "I ... I have to go" He didn't say anything else and just froze there, took his eyes off his phone to look up at me. Acting on instinct I grabbed the phone out of his hand and read:

Malak
09-Feb-2009 11.15am

Yalla 3ad B wake up! I came all this way to see you, why aren't you answering my calls 7abeebi?

23. Baby, Just Say Yes.. (2)

2009-02-08T07:55:00.006+03:00

"Najoom 7aram may9eer" he replied, his face red from laughter

"doum hal tha7ka" I pouted "But only tdoom lama matkon 3alay... bassik.." I added.

"Badoor.. I was serious!" The smile dissappeared off his face and he was suddenly serious and calm " I mean.. Ya3ni, both our parents rathyeen! So we wouldn't be doing anything they mo rathyeen 3alaih" I felt so stupid sharing my thoughts like that.

"Najoom, 7abeebti intay, lo mo 7aram chan you'd be morty al7een!"

"inzain... mako any other way?"

"Madri..." His face suddenly had an expression that said 'dont talk to me im thinking' so I stayed quiet, sipping my mango juice, after what seemed like 10 minutes of silence his face lit up. "I GOT IT!"

"Got what?" I asked almost instantly

"Do you mean you always wanted to get married in Vegas or bas enna you want to get married spur of the moment ya3ni yalla al7een w ma tabeen party w kel hal 3afsa?" His voice was so loud with excitement

"I meant maala da3i nan6ir..." I almost whispered, staring at him curiously

"Okay." A huge smile plastered his face.

"Okay shino?"

"Okay let's do it!"

"Shloon? Mo tgool 7aram?"

"ee but el yem3a elli 6afat kent bil masyed w fi hnak shaikh, 3a6ani ra8ma w chithi... yemkin he can help us out?" The smile on his face was huge, and he was staring right at me, like he was studying my features "you look beautiful"

I giggled, blushed and smacked him on the arm "hehe thank you bas shyab hatha bhatha?" My question was rhetorical so I didn't wait for an answer "9ij you think yegdar?" I was excited, if this was going to happen, I wanted it to happen as soon as possible, before I can think too much about it and give myself excuses like 'I'm still too young taw il naas, it's going too fast' and so on.

"Ee a3tiqid bas lazim akalma ashoof..."

We sat there, talked and laughed some more, I finally looked at my watch, not realizing that so much time has flown by. "Badoor!" I gasped. "It's 11pm!"

"Ee adri.." He replied, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be out that late.

"Badoor! My phone battery 5ala9 ages ago w ommy ma tadri enni ba6awil! She t5af wayid 3abalha il amreekan are all out to get me! Shbagollaha?!" I freaked out, my mother was going to kill me.

He laughed as if I had just told him a joke "Shitha7ik?" I was starting to get pissed off at him.

"3abalich i'd propose to you without telling your mom?" He said after he was done laughing at me

"eshdarani? I don't know how this works!"

"She knows entay ma3ay" He winked

"9ij??" I was in shock, she didn't mention anything to me, how could she not?

"ee .. si2alt-ha shrayha, akalim omy willa akalmich intay awal w galatly akalmich intay li2anich 3aneeda" He grinned

I giggled "makent adrii" I was glad she knew, it meant she wouldn't get mad at me if I showed up in his arms with a wedding ring on my finger, well, not THAT much anyway.

"I should get you back home though, it is getting late,"

"okayyy" I pouted, it was the most perfect night, I didn't want it to end. He called a cab immediately after we cleared everything up

"laish ma namshy?" I suggested, hoping to god he'd agree

"Mo bardana?"

"hehe badoor 9arlina hours sitting bil park, walking is going to make me cold?"

A smile grew on his face "Yallah 3ayal, mishaina?"

I smiled and walked ahead of him. When he caught up to me he held my hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it. Neither one of us said anything, we just walked hand in hand, smiling like there's no tomorrow.

22. Baby, Just Say Yes..

2009-02-07T06:16:00.007+03:00

"Bader... I'm... speechless!" I hesitated, not knowing what to say "Ummm, I need to pee!" the words burst out of my mouth before I could think of what I was saying.

"huh? ee.. umm.. we're in a park... wain?" his face went from vulnerable with a glimpse of a smile and pleading eyes, to nothing but confused.

"madri, umm... Bader... umm.. I love you.. a7ebbik wallah amoot feek, but I feel like this is too soon, I know it sounds stupid because we've known eachother for a long time now but ... please.. just a couple of days and I'll tell u my decision," i begged, his expression changed from confused to hurt now. ugh ya rabby wallah akrah 3omri! ana shfeeni! a7ebba amoot fee laish ma agola ee! I mentally beat myself up for being a dumbass, I knew I couldn't take it back.

"does this have anything to do with Fahad?" he asked, almost aggressivly.

"NO!" I shouted back, it really wasn't about Fahad, I dont think I'm ready for this.

"3ayal shino? tgoleen t7beeni... I don't understand how this is a difficult decision to make... do u still love him?"

I hesitated, "no." my reply was not a complete lie, i hoped i wasn't inlove with fahad, i know Bader is right for me. Uff laish magdar agolla ee w khala9?

"aha.." he replied and looked down at the floor.

"Bader.. I really do love u.."

"take your time najma.." he walked away.

I started mentally beat myself up again, why couldn't I just say yes? laish ya3ni magdar bas I say the word 'yes?'? Tears continued streaming down my cheeks and I walked off, I wasn't sure where I was going I just wanted to get out of there.

"NAJMA!" he called after me.

I turned around instantly. "yea..?" He almost ran towards me and held both my hands "la tro7een... please.. najma mo gader afham laish ma tabeen trideen 3alay, tara sahla! t7ibeeni?"

Why wouldn't he let it go? He's confusing me. "ee.."

"do u see yourself with me in the future?"

"um.. ee" it was the truth. I have thought about it, alot.

"3ayal laish you have to think about it?"

"madri..." Suddenly i thought of Fa6ma, and my promise to myself. "You're an idiot" I whispered to myself, and smiled

"excuse me?" He raised an eyebrow

"sorry," I was talking to myself.. I looked up into his eyes "okay"

"okay what?" he half smiled, knowing exactly what I was talking about.

"okay yes" I held his hands tighter, looking into his eyes, he didn't reply "okay a7ebbik" I giggled.

"amoot feech" he smiled. "amooooooooooooooooooooot feech!"

I giggled "7atta ana amoot feeni" He just smiled, and looked down deep into my eyes, he let go of my hand and took a ring out of a little deep red jewlerry box and slipped the ring onto my finger, it was beautiful.

"a7ebbich.." he whispered.

I just looked up at him, speechless, once again. "amoot feek..." We stood there in silence, just looking into eachothers eyes.

"Yalla tawich tgoleen yo3ana?" He broke the silence.

"ee 7addi" I pouted.

We walked hand in hand towards the picnic he had set up. We ate, talked, joked, laughed, and laughed some more. It was beautiful, the whole night, the scenery, the everything, just perfect. We couldn't take the smiles off our faces, and everytime our fingers touched butterflies filled up my stomach.

"Badoooorriiiii"

"3yooona"

"you know how you asked me imsaa3 if i pictured myself with you in the future?"

"ee..."

"well, 3adi I tell u something w ma tith7ak 3alay?"

"I'll try" He stuck his tongue out

"well, I thought about it, alot. W I always thought we'd go vegas bas me and you" I giggled, blushing.

He burst out with laughter "min 9ejjich??"

"ee.." I pouted, still blushing.

_______________

I know it's short, I apologize but I just don't seem to have the time to post as often or write as much :(